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N. Korea releases scenario to occupy S. Korea in three days

The boys and girls at North Korean website Uriminzokkiri have released a video outlying a war scenario in which North Korea occupies the South in just three days.

Considering that it took three days just to take Seoul in their wildly successful initial invasion of 1950, it’s an ambitious goal.

On the first day, the long-range guns of North Korea’s four frontline army corps would unleash 250,000 rounds in 30 minutes; 1,000 short-range surface-to-surface missiles would also be launched, reducing the South to ashes. At the same time, they would hit US bases in Guam and Japan with WMDs.

On the second day, the KPA would launch a general offensive while North Korean special forces airdropped on South Korea’s major cities, occupying them.

On the third day, the North Koreans—lovable lugs they are—would begin stabilization operations to bring the South back from the chaos of having its electricity, water, fuel and communications cut.

Now, lest I fall foul of the National Security Law, I won’t be posting the video here. If you really wanted to see it, though, you can find it here.

I like the bit about taking the “150,000 Americans resident in the South” prisoner.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/dcmusicfreak DC Musicfreak

    Pyongyang would be a shimmering pool of radioactive glass 5 minutes into this. I’d lob a small tactical nuke at uriminzokgiri, too, just for laughs and human gene pool improvement.

  • http://www.gofundme.com/1k98a8 Jakgani

    Just typical NK propaganda…. brainwashing their own people – who are about to go into starvation mode in the next few months…. can’t wait to see their dead bodies floating down the Imjin river during summer…

  • Madar

    They must have great all terrain vehicles, to move over all those craters, burned out bridges, they’ll create, that fast! Thank Allah they have perfected their missile defense shield to protect themselves after they WMD/nuke all those US overseas military bases.

  • 3gyupsal

    It takes 13 hours for people to get from Seoul to the provinces during Chuseok and Seollal. Just how will North Korean tanks get through the traffic of an evacuation from Seoul?

  • fe52525299

    hope you end up dismembered

  • BSDetector

    They must have been watching the remake of Red Dawn again while hitting the Soju. You know how movie night can getcha all excited… those rascals.

  • http://twitter.com/Chim_Allen Chim Allen

    Do they just watch that movie but edit out the last 30 min?

  • yangachibastardo

    There’s a realistic scenario under which NK could take over in 3 days, it’s called reunification

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1125856382 Charles Montgomery

    Three days? The apparently invade in spring and by my count go through at least two winters in the course of the video.

  • bumfromkorea

    The NK claim reminds me of the joke I heard when I was little.

    Q: How do you fit a giraffe inside a refrigerator in three steps?
    A: 1. Open the refrigerator door
    2. Put the giraffe in
    3. Close the refrigerator door

    Q: Then, how do you fit an elephant inside a refrigerator in four steps?
    A: 1. Open the refrigerator door
    2. Take the giraffe out
    3. Put the elephant in
    4. Close the refrigerator door

  • KWillets

    They have GPS’s that show where the police radar traps are.

  • wangkon936

    Just as realistic as the NORKs taking over the White House.

  • sumo294

    How are they gonna have dead bodies floating anywhere when they are eating those bodies-nothing goes to waste up there.

  • Anonymous_Joe

    What makes all this easy and good for giggles and grins is that they are not at all like us. They are not husbands and fathers or wives and mothers. They have neither parents nor children. I think that we should choose our sites wisely so that we can get good empirical data on the deaths from the immediate bomb blast and then measure the slow deaths from radioactivity poisoning and other factors such as long-term environmental impact. The best part is that they (as in “it” plural) are genetically similar to us, so they make much better guinea pigs than guinea pigs, but we don’t have to worry about developing any emotional attachment or compassion, which sometimes happens for research scientists and even their lab rats.

  • Anonymous_Joe

    I want to see their dead bodies floating down the Imjin so that I can see whether they have belly buttons. The way I see it, there’s really no need as they are neither parents nor children. Kind of like Adam in the Bible. Do you think he had a belly button? Those one-named Renaissance painters always draw him with one, but why? I’m looking forward to putting this mystery to rest.

  • Cloudfive

    Humans evolved from a single cell organism, possibly from another planet you dumbass!
    (I only call people dumbass on the internet- I don’t know why, but it’s fun.) Adam and Eve, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus immigrated to the planet Neptune.

    **Plus Adam was a hermaphrodite and a fruitarian.

  • que337

    Rumor says that KJU plotted the scenario from his secret hobby of playing StarCraft.

  • SomeguyinKorea

    Yet again another case of North Korean propaganda produced for domestic consumption being conveniently interpreted as a direct threat. Remember, it’s painfully obvious to the North Korean government that it could never win a war against South Korea.

  • Anonymous_Joe

    I have no idea what your response means or is supposed to mean.

    **You can call someone a hermaphrodite, but you’ve gone too far when you call him a fruitarian.
    ***I am reasonably sure which came first and absolutely certain by my philosophy. The chicken or egg question is not the mystery you think it is.

  • que337

    “they (as in “it” plural) are genetically identical to us, so they make much better guinea pigs than guinea pigs, but we don’t have to worry about developing any emotional attachment or compassion, which sometimes happens for research scientists and even their lab rats.”

    It is interesting the same person said ““Do not do unto others as you would not have them do unto you”

  • Anonymous_Joe

    It sounds ironic that I have to explicitly point out obvious and over the top irony.

  • Mr. Yu

    If they use any WMD on the first day, there will be no DPRK on the second day.

  • Conway Eastwood

    Paratroopers? Can you say “F-15K”?

  • Conway Eastwood

    I see what you did there.

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