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Poor Samsung…

That wacky Conan O’Brien.

It’s not as bad as some dude at The Kernel all but calling Samsung the anti-Christ, I suppose.

And certain not as bad as another—admittedly hilarious—guy at The Kernel telling us Android users won’t get laid:

iPhone users include designers, musicians, students, socialites and everyone in Hollywood you’ve ever wanted to bang. BlackBerry users include David Cameron, Obama and Eric Schmidt. (That’s actually true: Schmidt uses a BlackBerry for real work.)

Windows Phone is for small children and the elderly, like nappies and blended food.

Android users? Well, you’re looking at Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Kid Rock, Jocelyn Wildenstein, fat John Travolta, Occupy protesters, Liberal Democrats and that really, really creepy guy in engineering who won’t stop looking at your ass. In other words, trainwrecks, pariahs and has-beens.

That’s mean.

PS: My wife upgraded from the iPhone to Galaxy S III and seems to be enjoying it quite a bit.

(HT to Oranckay)

About the author: Just the administrator of this humble blog.

  • palladin9479

    I just got my own Galaxy S III and it’s amazing.

    And seriously lol at those comments …..

  • Jashin Densetsu

    yeah but odds are that a windows or android user isn’t gay. virtually every iphone user is gay.

  • R. Elgin

    Per #2 . . . Umm, I guess that makes you a social hermaphrodite then “bro”.

  • http://chrisinsouthkorea.com Chris in South Korea

    Just try to pry an iPhone out of a Korean’s hands once the lawsuit is finished, whichever way it ends.

  • Josh

    Best thing I ever did (with regards to cellphones) was trade my iPhone in for a Samsung Note.

  • Awarren

    I have never met someone imprudent enough to switch from an Apple to some Samsung smartphone or tablet PC product who could later admit to himself that he has screwed up.

  • brier

    “Trainwrecks, pariahs and has-beens” I like that. Can be used in conjunction with deviants, bores and rift-rafts. Wait, am I describing a gentrified Itaewon on a weekend day or night? Samsung’s owner does live up the hill.

  • DLBarch

    Wright’s reporting on Samsux was spot on as far as it went, and it could have gone much further. Why so many Koreans continue to be proud on such a degenerate and corrupt company is beyond me. I can only think that a collaborationist legacy and a CEO with TWO felony convictions just doesn’t mean the same thing as it used to.

    But ya gotta love the irony of a Korean PR report that highlights the Brits’ eagerness to “get back to the hotel bar.” Now that’s rich!

    The only question I have is whether Samsux arranged for prostitutes to help the Galaxy users in the group get laid.

    DLB

  • WangKon936

    $4.5 B profit in Q2. Not so poor.

    I thought this Financial Times article was rather fair:

    http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/2/98698a90-dfd4-11e1-9bb7-00144feab49a.html

    The upshot is that the FT does not think Samsung is a “slavish copier” because their profits and return on assets are too high.

    In summary:

    “For investors, the case may also help answer whether Samsung is simply a clever copier or a genuinely innovative firm….

    … The truth is probably somewhere between Samsung being an Apple and a copier. It is an early adopter – but rarely a first-mover – and a fast innovator.

    …having the nerve to try new areas shows that Samsung is not relying on blockbuster smartphones to carry the company forward. The Lees are also clearly signalling there will be no change in the group’s essential model. They identify a potentially game-changing industry then produce innovations, rather than taking the risk of trying to change the game itself.

    That makes Samsung one of the world’s best at what it does but not a world leader, like Google or Apple. Investors understand the difference and Samsung is priced accordingly.”

    Yes, but in my opinion, although it may never be Google or Apple, it is certainly better than HP and Motorola and approaching Qualcomm and Intel.

  • WangKon936

    Hummm…. according to Time Magazine, Apple has already won:

    http://techland.time.com/2012/08/09/apple-vs-samsung-trial-goes-on-but-its-already-over/

  • bibimbap19679

    Conan is great. And the comments are hilarious…

  • jkitchstk

    Is Samsung hiding behind Chinese laws, but aren’t Koreans/Samsung suppose to uphold Korean laws outside Korea?
    http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-19185771
    “It said seven under-16-year-olds were identified between June and July. But Samsux said it had found no evidence of an employment law breach when it carried out its own checks.
    …it can be determined that working conditions at HEG(Samsung partner) are well below those general conditions in Apple’s supplier factories.”

  • R. Elgin

    One Samsung document from 2010 that has shown up during the current wave of Apple litigation shows that there were 126 identified aspects of the Galaxy S that were considered in need of improvement. Each aspect was compared to how the same issue is handled on the iPhone. The paper basically says that Samsung wanted the Galaxy S to work more like an iPhone. (this is from the Macrumors site.)

    Theft is the sincerest form of flattery.

  • Q

    Apple’s premise that customers bought Samsung Galaxy instead of iPhones because they thought it was the iPhone would sound ridiculous to smartphone consumers.

  • WangKon936

    R. Elgin,

    Understood, but I bet you a million bucks that there are probably internal documents at GM comparing a Camry to a Malibu (or a Hyundai Sonata to a Camry) in similar fashion, lining up the features of a Camry and matching them to what a Malibu has and doesn’t have. It’s just competitive analysis. Pretty standard in the industry.

    We’ve all been there. Holding a product and wishing it had features from a competing product and vice versa. I guarantee you that HTC and Motorola probably had similar internal documents. Is that copying or normal competitive analysis that all good companies do? Well, ultimately the jury will decide, but I don’t see internal documents with a “wish list” of sorts all that wrong.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    People who try to connect their self-identity to those who are very successful, or smart, or attractive on the basis of what kind of products they use – and whats probably even more pathetic, those who buy certain products BECAUSE some famous, successful, attractive people use them in order to boost their pathetic sense of self – are on the lowest rung of human development. Much like that guy at The Kernal.

    And what is it with these smart phones anyway? Im perfectly happy to use an old fashioned flip phone. No desire at all to get on the zombie bandwagon: I see far too many zoned out vegetables who spend every single available second staring into their “smart” phones. Who needs it?

  • http://rjkoehler.com Robert Koehler

    Regarding Apple vs. Samsung, I can’t help but feel that if this were Microsoft doing the same thing to Apple a decade ago, we’d be hearing a lot more bitching.

    And what is it with these smart phones anyway? Im perfectly happy to use an old fashioned flip phone.

    That’s what I said before I got one.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    #17, Thats why I plan not to get one. Its all about need creation. I have no need for those apps, I have no need to be connected to the net ALL THE TIME – simply because I havent created that need for myself. I plan not to do that for as long as I can hold out. So maybe in 5 years time I will be the only guy using an old fashioned phone.

    As far as Apple goes, Apple fanboys are way too self-identified with the company. Christ, people, its a CORPORATION, they aren’t your friend.

  • http://gypsyscholarship.blogspot.com/ Jeffery Hodges

    My communication unit is thick, lengthens by extending itself, and serves all my needs for personal contact. I see no need to pack one of those thinner, sleeker sort that get flashed around. I’ll stick with my five- or six-year-old Curitel.

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

  • WangKon936

    Smartphones are kinda like drugs. Increased use creates addictive behavior and supply seems to create their own demand…

  • Q

    SalarymaninSeoul, you are a cool man. I reckon ‘smartphone’ makes people dumber. Whenever people gather, most frequently observed behavior might be habitual browsing of ‘smartphone’ for no purpose. Most of all, smartphone would be a portable exit for those who got addicted to AV. I would say ‘smartphone’ be more or so a digitalized drug.

  • Q

    I wrote and posted #21 before reading #20.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    I notice it most at my workplace. Its a huge building with a cafeteria in the basement. So we have to line up and wait for about 10 minutes before we can get our food so that we can sit down to eat. When I look around while waiting in line all I basically see is everybody staring into their “smart” phones. Its always the same blank expression, always the same swiping motion. I’m always curious what could be SO important especially as all of these people were, just 5 or 10 minutes ago, sitting at their computers with internet access.

  • Sonagi

    I finally got a smartphone this year in order to have internet access on the road. The monthly wireless charges for my iPhone and iPad are about the same as what I was paying for broadband and a land line, accessible only at home.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    And even worse it this mania over new releases. “Wow, cool iPhone 5 is coming out, its gonna be so much better than my iPhone 4!” Yeah, because your iPhone4 is so obsolete. So Apple trickles out new features and small advances, repackages it all and people shell out hundreds of bucks for a new toy…and these people who are being completely taken in by Apple are so loyal to this company. Yes, the drug analogy from #20 and #21 is apt, Apple is your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. Samsung does it, too, but at least outside of Korea (where loyalty is more along nationalistic lines) people are not devoted to Samsung. They may buy Samsung because it is cheaper than Apple, works just as well, but there is no rabid devotion. Great for Apple, it has figured out how to make huge money by putting out nice looking toys. I dont fault Apple – Apple fan-boys (or any one with such rabid loyalty to a company) deserve to be taken for a ride.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    #24, unless you are doing important business, why do you need internet access on the road?

  • Sonagi

    Look up information. I used my smartphone extensively on a recent road trip along the mid-Atlantic coast.

  • kaizenmx

    Samsung still cranking up with some cool gadgets, despite all these crapple’s constant harassment lawsuits.

  • Wedge

    I like the smartphone dating phenomemon here. You see two people doing crap on their phones the whole date. Nice interaction there, kiddies.

    Apple could release iRubbish, the contents of its Cupertino waste bins recycled in cool packaging, and the fanboys would buy billions of dollars-worth of it. Hold on, I think I need to trademark that.

  • SalarymaninSeoul

    You don’t need to “look up information” on a trip. You can buy a map, a travel guide and ask people if you don’t know something. No need for a STUPID phone. People used to take trips with a map, a book and the ability to interact with people. Now they interact with a gadget. I feel sorry for you guys with these things.

  • SomeguyinKorea

    “People who try to connect their self-identity to those who are very successful, or smart, or attractive on the basis of what kind of products they use – and whats probably even more pathetic, those who buy certain products BECAUSE some famous, successful, attractive people use them in order to boost their pathetic sense of self – are on the lowest rung of human development. ”

    Yes, nor should we judge people by the material goods they possess.

  • Wedge

    #30: Don’t get me started on “navigation.” I wasn’t paying attention once and got taken to the service entrance of the Hyatt (hint: it’s in the back by the Leeum). The first thing you should do if your car has a GPS unit is to defenestrate it.

  • dude

    Salaryman; relax. You seem to think that this is like a forum or something. While I agree with your views, you need to learn to write all you feel out in a post and step away from the keyboard. Your obsession with answering every other post – which is the kind of dedication you accuse others of – is admirable (but you cannot win) but you are starting to seem a bit unreasonable. Stick to your guns, but let others be.

  • Arghaeri

    especially as all of these people were, just 5 or 10 minutes ago, sitting at their computers with internet access.

    In big outfits most probably very limited internet access and no e-mail except ss mail.

  • Arghaeri

    You don’t need to “look up information” on a trip. You can buy a map, a travel guide and ask people if you don’t know

    Sure, you can get by without, but why would I spend money on guidebooks to a place I might go yo only once when I can get the info for free on my phone.

  • R. Elgin

    Wangkon, why not do something that has not been done before?
    Samsung needs to have a small technical team drop some LSD and do something fresh. Conventional methods and theft can only go so far . . .

  • Seth Gecko

    “PS: My wife upgraded from the iPhone to Galaxy S III and seems to be enjoying it quite a bit.”

    See what he did there?
    She “UP”graded to the Galaxy. She didn’t exchange. She didn’t simply buy a new phone. She “UP”graded to the Galaxy S III.

  • DLBarch

    Jeez, this is just getting ridiculous. Now Samsux is stealing Apple’s advertising ideas:

    http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/tablets/who-is-little-miss-tablet-samsung-accused-of-acting-up-in-battle-with-apple-20120103-1piwy.html

    Christ, does this company do ANYTHING original AT ALL?

    DLB

  • jk6411

    Christ, does this company do ANYTHING original AT ALL?

    How about this?

    This is pretty neat too.

  • WangKon936

    DLB,

    You spend too much time near Silicon Valley and it’s not exactly planet earth there. Rectangles and icons do not necessarily equal innovation.

    Samsung’s got two pieces on the baduk board that are poised to eat a lot of Apple’s stones in the next five years or so.

    1) Samsung owns half the 4G patents:

    http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/26/smartphone-patent-wars-the-coming-sequel/

    2) Samsung has the best mobile screen technology in the known universe:

    http://www.slashgear.com/samsung-350ppi-display-tech-could-make-oled-the-next-retina-27240545/

    3) Samsung makes the best logic chips suited to mobile devices:

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/06/21/us-chips-samsung-idUSBRE85K1OM20120621

    If Apple wants to keep having good products, it will have to keep working with Samsung because of Samsung’s technological innovation. Btw… I think Bell Labs and Xerox’s PARC is a million more times innovative than Apple ever can be. Don’t confuse clever industrial design and marketing as technological innovation. That’s drinking the Silicon Valley kool-aide.

  • WangKon936

    Sorry, I meant to say “three pieces.”

  • jk6411

    Oh, I also forgot the new Galaxy Note 10.1.

    This new tablet will allow users to multitask and run app’s side-by-side.

    “Speaking of multitasking, Pop Up Play allows you to play videos while simutaneously interacting with other apps. In addition, the Note 10.1 supports Samsung Smart Stay, which uses the front-facing camera to determine whether the user is actually looking at the screen and, if not, lowers the screen brightness.”

    “The big standout feature of the Note 10.1 is its included Stylus S Pen. With the Pen, you can navigate the Android Interface as well as draw or write notes into certain apps, with the back of the pen actually acting as an eraser.”

    See? Samsung doesn’t just copy Apple.

    Samsung smartphones also have features the iPhone doesn’t have, such as expandable memory, removable battery, 4G LTE, Flash, a file-manager, customizability, open-source OS, etc.

    Samsung also offers a variety of models to choose from, with different looks, different screen sizes, with and without physical keyboards, etc.
    With Apple, it’s one-size-fits-all.

    Also, Samsung has been selling the 7″ Galaxy Tab for some time.
    But Apple is just getting around to offering a similar sized model.

    Everyone knows that the real reason Apple is suing Samsung is that Android smartphones are creaming the iPhone in sales..

  • WangKon936

    Well, having said all that… one thing Apple does really well is user interface and experience. And UI is extremely important. Processor speed, screen resolution and battery life isn’t everything if people don’t feel comfortable using your product and this Apple has in spades and the market has rewarded them for it generously.

    Anyways, at the end of the day I think this is what will happen. The courts will give Apple partial victory. Not in the shape of the damn thing. I hope to God that they don’t allow Apple to patent a freak’in rectangle with rounded edges and a black screen. I think they will give Apple a win in the look and feel of the user interface, as well as they should. This might mean around half of the settlement that Apple is seeking, about $1B to $1.5B. The judge will probably ask Samsung to change how their tablets look but won’t grant Apple a ban on either the tablets or its phones. This will be a slap in the wrist. It won’t be a thermonuclear result that the departed Steve Jobs was hoping for.

  • palladin9479

    Apple products tend to be really cheap on the hardware. They look good and make amazing fashion accessories. Their UI is pretty intuitive though that comes from spending more on artists then on engineers. They make something like 40%+ profit on each phone, it’s ridiculous how overpriced they are for their hardware.

  • Awarren

    Wangkon @ 40,

    Just where in that article did you read that “Samsung makes the best logic chips suited to mobile devices?” Samsung is simply hoping that they can bring more of the worldwide commodity-like logic chip production to their fabs, which is necessary or they are in a load of “s…”

    Samsung in no way is a technology leader in logic chip design and it is no industry secret that Apple mostly designed their own application processors and held their noses in letting Samsung manufacture them because they could find no one in the world with so much excess fab capacity that would agree to make their chips at such low prices. Samsung is at best a mere 2-3 tier designer of logic chips and anyone with the slightest bit of understanding of the semiconductor industry knows this. Samsung’s ultimate goal, like most Korean companies, is to reach some magical #1/industry leader/world-leader position. Semiconductor rankings are based on revenue, so even if it means building several more risky fabs to accomplish this goal, risking everything including the bankruptcy of Samsung (and potentially the Korean economy and financial system when the government rushes in to save the company), you can bet Samsung will do it.

    Samsung brings 100s of foreigners a year to Korea on useless dead-end contracts and the number of Kyops who have gone in and out of Samsung’s doors and back into the US must number in the 1000s. Have you ever had a conversation with any of these people? When you are writing with such authority in expressing your views about Korean companies and their prowess, please stop to think if you really understand the subject you are talking about. And please, please, do not simply send me some dodgy news article link in defense of your position, or simply bring up another unrelated attribute of Samsung that supposedly backs up your position that Samsung is something that it isn’t. I am not saying that Samsung has no strengths, or that they have not succeeded in building an easily recognizable brand, but please don’t extrapolate this achievement into something else that it is not.

  • Arghaeri

    See? Samsung doesn’t just copy Apple.

    Ah, it copies other people too.

    Thats OK then all is forgiven :-)

  • Awarren

    May I ask why comments have been in moderation for almost 24 hours?

  • WangKon936
  • WangKon936

    Awarren,

    My conversations regarding Samsung have been with Google people and a few Taiwanese who have worked with them (VPs in their respective position). Their consensus has been that Samsung is an “awesome” company.

    I stand by my assertion that Samsung makes the best logic chips suited to mobile devices. Now, do they own all the intellectual property to these logic chips? No, not yet. Do I think they will in the next five years? Yes, I do.

    What do you think about my other two points which you didn’t address at all?