If, like this unfortunate man in Orange County, California, your angry wife drugs you, ties you to a bed, waits for you to wake up and then slices off your penis with a 10-inch kitchen knife and tosses it in the garbage disposal, don’t fret — the LA Times reports you still have options other than the monastery.
Surprisingly, penis destruction is not that uncommon an event, and surgeons have developed a variety of techniques to deal with it.
A variety of techniques are available for repair and replacement. If the penis is intact it can be reconnected — though the surgery is time-consuming and delicate. The first successful case was reported in 1977, involving a mentally disturbed 21-year-old man who cut his organ off with a straight razor because he was obsessed with guilt over his sexual behavior. Surgeons at Massachusetts General Hospital successfully reattached it, restoring full function.
If most of the penis is lost, however, the “gold standard” is taking tissue from elsewhere on the body to reconstruct the organ, said Dr. Gary Alter of UCLA’s Geffen School of Medicine, who is board-certified in both plastic surgery and urology. “You can make something that looks life a penis somewhat, you can have intercourse, but it’s not your own penis,” he said. “Nobody is thrilled because it is not their own penis. The only people who are thrilled are transsexuals who never had one before.”
If reconstruction is not undertaken, or if a delay is necessary, surgeons often reroute the urethra, which carries urine, through a small hole in the scrotum so that the patient can urinate while sitting.
Interestingly, the Winnipeg Free Press notes that the Chinese did manage to transplant a penis:
Another option that has been tried is transplanting a penis taken from a cadaver donor, in the same way a kidney or liver is procured.
In 2006, surgeons at Guangzhou General Hospital in China attached a 10-centimetre penis to a 44-year-old man who had lost that part of his genitalia in an accident. The donor penis, from a brain-dead 22-year-old, was functioning well 10 days after the 15-hour operation.
But doctors had to remove the penis two weeks later because the man and his wife were psychologically unable to adapt to the transplant.
This has been a public service announcement by The Marmot’s Hole.