A globetrotting concert violinist who absconded with her son and daughter in South Korea last year was arrested in Guam last week, sparking hope for a New Jersey father who has waged a ferocious court battle to get his children back.
But ****** Shim, 33, was traveling alone — and so far has refused to divulge the whereabouts of the two children, Kristian, 5, and Haerin, 3, said a lawyer for her husband, Alejandro Mendoza, of Dumont, NJ.
Shim was busted Wednesday as she arrived at the airport in Guam, a US territory. Bergen County authorities expect she’ll be returned to New Jersey by Friday, said Mendoza’s lawyer, Jennifer Brandt.
This is screwed up:
The nightmare began in February 2009 for Mendoza, 47, when at Shim’s request he took a temporary teaching position she had arranged for him at ***** University in South Korea. Shim told him she wanted to expose their children to her country’s culture.
Mendoza and Shim had lived as a couple in New Jersey for 12 years. Mendoza, a Juilliard-educated violinist, gave music lessons and commuted to Manhattan to perform in orchestras for Broadway shows such as “The Lion King” and “West Side Story.”
But once they arrived in Korea, Shim orchestrated a scheme to permanently push Mendoza out of the picture, he claims on his Web site, bringthekidshome.org.
Without his knowledge, Shim gave her children Korean names and erased his surname from their identities, according to the site.
Then he found out he was getting only half the salary his wife had promised. So in April, he flew back to Migukland to earn enough money to bring his family back to the promised land that is New Jersey. Then this:
Two days after he arrived home, his wife called him, saying he had molested their daughter and shouldn’t return to Korea, Mendoza’s web site says.
According to the Post, he returned to Korea to find his old apartment cleaned out. The Korean police questioned him about the abuse allegations, but released him without charge. A New Jersey court then awarded Mendoza full custody of the children, and an arrest warrant was issued for his wife.
This comes from his website, bringthekidshome.org:
Although I did not know it at the time, immediately upon our arrival in Korea, my wife changed the names of our children. This was done without my consent or knowledge. My last name was erased from their newly assumed identities. I only found out by accident when a teacher told me my son’s “new name”. When I confronted my wife about this she complained that my western last name was too difficult so she gave the children her last name instead. I also found out that she had bought a round trip ticket for me when we travelled to Korea so I could come back in one year, but she bought one-way tickets for her and the children. My wife then opened a bank account in Korea under her name and made arrangements for my salary to be deposited to her account. I was told by my wife that as a foreigner I would not be able to open a bank account in Korea for quite some time. I suddenly started to feel very vulnerable in a country where I did not speak the language and where my wife was starting to exhibit questionable behavior. But the hard truth, which made me realize that this trip abroad had been a mistake, came after one month of work. My salary was half of what my wife had indicated and which she had negotiated in Korean before we left America. With this salary a family of four would not be able to exist.
On April 25 of 2009 I travelled back to the USA to make sure that my jobs in New Jersey and New York were still secure for me so I could move the whole family back to the USA. Two days later my wife phoned to tell me not to return to Korea because she had made criminal accusations against me to the police in Korea and that I would go to jail for many years in a foreign country; a place where I do not speak the language and I do not understand the legal system. She indicated that she would raise the children on her own and that she would take over my position at ***** University in Korea. The hard truth was now in the open, my wife’s intentions were to take my children away from me and she went to such an extent as to make false accusations against me in a country where I am a foreigner and she would have the upper hand. I asked her how she could do such a monstrous thing to me and she said that on the contrary, I should be thankful, she was calling to warn me and that way I could avoid jail; all I had to do was to not return to Korea.
Read everything on your own.
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
Rob, I noticed you struck out the uni’s name, but you’re still showing it in the excerpt you posted from Mendoza’s website.
horrific story
This bitch should be flogged, hanged until unconscious, revived, then drawn and quartered.
And that’s because I’m feeling merciful this evening.
Sad story of that family. May it please God their example scares other couples straight…
Terrible police story from the Dad’s website:
“The following day I visited the police station to volunteer to an interrogation as I thought that I would answer all their questions so they could see my innocence in this terrible, criminal false accusation that my wife made. I was very naïve to think that justice would be done. From the beginning the interrogator was very hostile and laughed at the answers I gave through an interpreter. He told me that he did not believe anything that I was saying and that I would be arrested.”
I can completely believe Mr. Mendoza, especially the part where he states he and his interpreter were sadistically laughed at when they were at the local police precinct.
I can also completely believe the details of his story, especially the deception regarding his salary, the excuse given by his children’s mother re: name changes (difficult western name), and the underhanded, sneaky tactics by his chidren’s mother (funneling his salary to her account, one-way ticket for herself and the children).
Sadly, an apparently innocent and naive man has fallen victim to yet another native Korean woman who smelled an easy prey from miles away. He’s been suckered and deceived hook, line, and sinker. No wonder even such native Korean women I’ve dated have sternly warned me about dating/marrying such women because they are often dishonest and will marry US citizen Korean men (and in this case, a non-Korean US citizen) and then leave him.
I feel very bad for Mr. Mendoza, and this incident immediately reminds of the Sean & David Goldman story, which lasted 5 years, and which had some similarities: a Brazilian woman married an American man, has a child with him (born in the US), takes the child to the home country, and decides not to return to the US, and wants full custody, and uses connections, culture, language, and subterfuge to ensure she keeps custody. It took 5 long and painful years, but David Goldman got his son Sean back, in part because of US government pressure, and in part due to the fact that Brazil is a signatory to the Hague Conventions.
Unlike Brazil (and, obviously, the United States), the Republic of Korea, however, has not signed the Hague Conventions. Therefore, the diplomatic pressure the US government was able to apply to Brazil may not be “appliable” and applicable here.
Also, what is it with these Asian countries who refuse to sign the Conventions? Taiwan, China, Japan, and Singapore are not signatories either. I can’t help but wonder if blood ties overrun morality in such cases.
I can’t help but conclude that Mr. Mendoza won’t get his children back. I hope this woman rots in hell for this.
Given that New York music world is very small (and because my fiancee also plays Broadway shows,) I actually know the real story. I’m not going to go through all the details, but it suffices to say that you guys are getting worked up over only hearing one side of the story.
Given that New York music world is very small (and because my fiancee also plays Broadway shows,) I actually know the real story. I’m not going to go through all the details, but it suffices to say that you guys are getting worked up over only hearing one side of the story.
TheKorean, the very same thing was said by Brazilian supporters of Bruna Bianchi, the Brazilian woman who married David Goldman. They, in their inability to speak English, believed the lies given by her and by her mega-rich, well-connected family to the Brazilian media, which painted Goldman as an abusive husband. When he produced recorded messages from international phone calls where Bruna, in English, called him a great father and great husband, those complaints died down somewhat.
The point is, sure, there is a side to the story which this NYPost blurb and which Mr. Mendoza’s website fail to provide. But what side is that?
I speculate that we’ll get to hear it in due course as she is now under the custody of American authorities. I’ll be willing to change my views, or to consider doing so, once I hear that side – but I will also add that if she ever does speak (in court or through an attorney), it’ll be because she was arrested. Were she still free, she would have quietly returned to South Korea and mr. Mendoza would have had little or no hope of ever seeing his children again.
People who use children as pawns in the game are the worst.
That is the woman’s side of story. Upping and leaving without giving their marriage/new place a serious chance then suddenly start playing the victim card that “their children were taken away from them”. I am with theKorean on this. If, like his website says, she’d planned it all along and it was a scheme to get visa and divorce him and come to Korea then she is pure evil and should be punished like Sperwer says. However, that just sounds such an awful and far-fetched scenario to be accusing your partner (of more than 10 years and two children) of, especially on a site which asks for donation.
The stories I heard are not simply from Koreans who were relayed the story from the wife’s perspective — they are from their Juilliard classmates and colleagues at work (who are all fluent in English, be they Korean or otherwise.) And they are generally firsthand observations, not hearsay.
Given that you concede that you don’t know the entire story, you (along with other commenters on this thread) should hold your judgment — including whom to believe — until you do hear the entire story.
TheKorean,
As I said, I’d be willing to change my view if I heard her side of the story and if it was compelling.
Having said this, I have no reason not to believe Mr. Mendoza. Besides, it is extremely painful to have one’s children taken away unexpectedly.
Yuna,
Asking for donations on a website does not indicate dishonesty or a lack of sincerity. David Goldman himself had a website in which he asked for donations. During his 5-year ordeal, which witnessed him travel to Brazil over 10 times, Mr. Goldman spent dozens of thousands of dollars in flight tickets, hotel costs, legal fees (he hired attorneys in the US and in Brazil). He lost his livelihood, and depleted his savings.
Likewise, Mr. Mendoza has most certainly spent a considerable amount of money. I do not know how many times he has had to visit Korea, but round-trip airfare between the NYC area and Korea can be quite costly, especially if we’re speaking about several trips. Add in the legal fees, and I wouldn’t be surprised that this man had to sell his violin to cover expenses.
I would be very very careful before having a child with a foreigner.
There’s nothing inherently wrong in it per se but statistically relationships/marriages often fail, when it happens, if the parents come from 2 different countries there are only 2 possible scenarios: either the non custodian parent decides to live in the country of the custodian one or they face the serious possibility to basically loose the chance to be in their kids life.
Needless to say this is a setting where disastrous conflicts easily arise.
I would be very very careful before having a child with a foreigner.
There’s nothing inherently wrong in it per se but statistically relationships/marriages often fail, when it happens, if the parents come from 2 different countries there are only 2 possible scenarios: either the non custodian parent decides to live in the country of the custodian one or they face the serious possibility to basically loose the chance to be in their kids life.
Well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that. Every case is unique; there are fine people who’d make faithful spouses and loving parents as well as dishonest crooks from any country.
Also, as for the Hague Conventions – the case of Sean and David Goldman illustrate that a country being a signatory is not always a plus. A major reason David Goldman ultimately won his son back was the great diplomatic pressure applied by the US government. Brazil’s legal and judicial systems are notoriously slow and corrupt, and the immense wealth and powerful allies enjoyed by the family of David Goldman’s former Brazilian wife were factors which prolonged his suffering.
As I said, South Korea, like its East Asian neighbors of China and Japan, are not signatories. Hence my p0int that Mr. Mendoza is quite fortunate that the mother of children was arrested by US authorities on a US territory. Had she not gone to Guam, whatever hope he has now, he would never have had.
Wasn’t it wjk or someone who posted a similar story of a American married to a Japanese on an open thread a while ago?
Thanks for the URL, Yuna. Indeed, it’s not a unique case. There is even a website called http://www.americankidsabductedtojapan.com/.
Well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that. Every case is unique; there are fine people who’d make faithful spouses and loving parents as well as dishonest crooks from any country
Of course, but once you enter a wrong marriage, even one between decent, cooperative people the issue of the non custodian parent basically having to relocate abroad for good remains and it doesn’t make things easier.
If the divorce is a bitter one, things can easily spiral out of control. It is by the way a growing issue in this day and age.
Personally if my soon to be Korean wife wanted children, i would be very very careful and i would take such a big step only after living for a while in Korea and being sure i could live there with the child from my previous marriage indefinitely
American Kim: the Hague convention helps but basically every country applies it in their own special way. Northern European countries like Germany and the Scandies are infamous for granting zero rights to fathers who had kids with local women. It happened to countless Italian dudes who had children with Northern women after the proverbial summer fling.
In many cases these women are problematic, alcoholic types and still judges refuse to give custody to any foreign (let alone an Italian) father, no matter what.
This is not only a phenomena limited to us dirty woppers, lots of American parents (both men and women) ended up in nightmare situations in Northern Europe. For instance in Germany social workers have enormous powers, they’re basically family court judges, apparently it is absolutely impossible to win, as a foreigner, a case against them.
In this matter America is apparently way more civilised as it is considered one of the most respectful of the Hague convention.
Gangpehmoderniste, thanks for this information. I now see why you said you’d be careful before procreating with a foreigner.
hope he at least got his VKW T while he was there.
These laws that prosecutors can go after people with circumstancial evidence, i.e., testimony of the “victim” are pretty fucking scary. I had a friend accused of sexual assault in college and he went thru some shit and almost ruined his life. The girl was infatuated with him and when he didnt reciprocate and chased after another girl, she went ballistics and told the school authorities he had sexually assaulted her. Of course they couldnt find concrete evidence to kick him out or have enough evidence to criminally prosecute him but it left a permanent black mark on his character and he ended up having to transfer out to avoid all the whispers behind his back. He’s now working as a doctor somewhere but nobody at the time stood up for him even though nobody believed her side of the story.
I am all for going after child molesters and sexual predators but I think the law is too lax on starting an investigation once one is accused of a horrific crime like that. Once you’re accused of some shit like this, there is no turning back.
Fair enough.
Feel free, however, to share some of the details of what you know. Given that the story is in the NY Post, I don’t think we need to be coy at this point.
How could you not be swayed by the “I know stuff you don’t know that I can’t reveal so just trust me” line of persuasion? I was ready to throw Alejandro in prison and nominate the wife for Mother of the Year after I read it.
It’s still a fair point — we don’t know the other story.
Duly noted (along with IHBB’s objection,) but I’m afraid I have to remain discreet. Again, music world is small and the Mendoza family controls a lot of Broadway shows and who gets to play in them. Given the economy, I would prefer my fiancee to continue being employed.
So far there is one comment on Medoza’s website by a Donald Irving:
Of course there’s another side to the story. Whether it has any merit remains to be seen. And cryptic rumors aside, the public information, respective actions of police departments in each country, and the fact that she refuses to divulge the location of the children seems to point in one direction. It’s not unreasonable given what’s available to draw some preliminary conclusions.
IF what she says is true, would you divulge the location of the children? not a chance
You mean, preliminary conclusions like:
I am not here to excuse what she did. But few deserve this type of vile rhetoric, particularly so when all sides of the story are considered.
Well, one point should be made. While the NY Post says he was released without charge (technically true), his website seems to suggest the Korean police DID want to arrest him:
Make of that what you will.
My only interest in this tale of marital failure extends solely to the fact that it partially takes place in the promised land of Bergen County, NJ.
Sorry, I take the Fifth.
If his timeline and version of events is correct, he not only voluntarily went back to Korean knowing that he was accused of a horrific crime and could possibly be arrested and put away in a system he has no knowledge of, but he also voluntarily went to the cops while there. Here’s what I’ll make of that: They do not sound like the actions of a man who knows he is guilty.
As for the Korean cops telling him that it would take a few days to arrange his arrest, if in fact his wife had any actual evidence (like a medical report), the cops would not have let him go and surely they would have flagged his passport for detention at immigration. The fact that they didn’t indicates they weren’t taking her allegations very seriously, and neither should anyone else until something substantial is presented.
Not my preliminary conclusion.
If what she says is true and can be proven, she should have nothing to worry about.
That’s what you call “discreet”? I don’t see how you could have been more insinuative. Not only might the dirt on the guy be true but his family would unfairly retaliate if the “truth” got out?
IHBB has raised an interesting point. Given that Mr. Mendoza was/is the outsider and foreigner in Korea, the local police would have had absolutely not reason NOT to side with the mother of his children, especially if she had made any accusations towards him; and, with evidence, they would have promptly arrested him.
Sadly, he was indeed too naive. The mother of his children, however, was not, and she knew all along that she’d have the upper hand once he’d fallen into her trap and once they were in Korea. I cannot help but conclude that this was a premeditated situation all along.
And, assuming of course that Mr. Mendoza is being honest (and so far, I do think he is), this isn’t going to help the image of Koreans. I don’t know Mr. Mendoza and I certainly don’t know his exposure to Koreans (his 12-year marriage to this woman notwithstanding), but I’d speculate any sane individual wouldn’t think highly of Korea after experiencing what he experienced at that police station.
Another reminder why I should think very carefully before ever marrying a ROK citizen… :/
Custody battles can get quite nasty. We know only Mendoza’s side of the story, told to a New York paper. His estranged wife may at some point choose to tell her side publicly. I’m surprised she was careless enough to travel to Guam after hiding the kids and having her husband arrested. Did she really expect him to tuck his tail between his legs, scurry back to New York, and forget about everything?
I’m surprised she was careless enough to travel to Guam after hiding the kids and having her husband arrested. Did she really expect him to tuck his tail between his legs, scurry back to New York, and forget about everything?
Even seasoned criminals make mistakes. Perhaps she did not know that Guam was a US territory.
Perhaps she thought that, being back in her home country, where he’d stick out and where he was at a clear disadvantage, he would just tire and give up eventually, and all she’d have to do is wait, and have the children grow up without their father, and subsequently, to eventually forget him, while of course being deeply bonded with her.
help the image of Koreans
-Ahahahahahhaha! You kill me!
Minus the kids, this is a lot like the Hector Manuel Ramos story. K-girl meets bellhop in NYC, forges degree for him, gets him job teaching at Kondae, he comes over, forges a PhD, gets in trouble for swearing at students, police find him growing pot in his on-campus apartment, then uncover all the fraud, wife swears she had nothing to do with it, he gets arrested and she goes to find the next sucker. Gotta admit, there are some parallels here. I love how Koreans are defending the woman who won’t divulge the location of her children.
This is clearly one sided story. Why would wife wanted to get rid off loving husband from her & children. This is another reason why Korean girls should never marry foreigners. Stick with their own kind.
My best friend in high school married an Indian man in Canada. He kidnapped the children, took them “back” to India, and spun a story that barred her from even entering the country to get them back.
“Why would a husband want to get rid of a loving wife from him & children? “
An anonymous poster is worried about his unnamed fiancee losing her job because he makes an online comment? If you are so paranoid, whey then do you identify yourself as a Korean with a girlfriend who works in the “small” New York music world? That information already narrows down your identity.
Thank god you’re not the kind of private person who uses their own name online.
theKorean is FOS. My fiancee wants to stay employed, I know something you don’t….whatever.
Fact: Mendoza voluntarily walked into a police station and voluntarily went to a questioning.
Fact: New Jersey Court had a warrant out for her arrest. Warrants are usually issued when there’s enough of something called EVIDENCE against the suspect.
If the allegations that theKorean is alluding to are true, and they are wrong, why wasn’t the whistle blown in the US? Your fiancee’s music is more important than 2 kids getting abused?
This would make a great script for the next Park Chan Wook installment. Indeed, we only know half of the story, and at a macro level we miss out on all the little micro stuff that truly mires the emotional side of things – when tempers flare over the phone etc. Let’s face it – and be slightly bigoted: Latin blood and Korean blood? That’s a lot of opposing cultural values in one marriage…and yet with complimentary gusts of “loco.” When Korean women turn nuts, they are nuts. Sounds like Mr. Mendez helped open that can of worms in a very disorganized marriage. What kind of couple or twisted marital arrangement up and decides to go to Korea? And then the husband goes back to the US to secure his old job? As if. Something is missing. This woman seems to have gone to a lot of trouble… and I highly doubt it was a master plan. Obviously she doesn’t need his free pass for a greencard. She’s in demand as a musician and isn’t even in the US.
I just feel sorry for the kids. And rest assured that’s ANOTHER side to the story…probably the one which is most accurate. Mom and dad are both retards.
Happier times….
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