In the Korea Times Herald, Gord Sellar of Gord Sellar Online gives some wise advice for expats who would like to fend off discontentment.
Previous post: Blow Them Out of the Water
Next post: Chungjeonggak and PROK Missionary Education Center
Follow Us!
Korea News via Yahoo- S. Korea Lawmakers Make First Gaeseong Trip Since Kim Death
- Korea-US trade pact re-emerges as political issue
- Korea-U.S. trade pact re-emerges as political issue
- South Korea Lawmakers Make First Trip to Gaeseong Complex Since Kim Death
- Korea bans Orioles' scouts after teen inks deal
- Saudi 'pledges secure energy supply' to S. Korea
- The Korea Times gets taken for an intergalactic ride
- South Korea Plans to Buy Chinese Equities to Diversify Reserves
- South Korea’s No. 2 Public Pension Fund to Boost Equities
- South Korea Set to Follow Australia’s Rate Pause as U.S. Revives
Buy My Seoul Guidebook!
Books and DVDs on Korea
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Gord *Seller* of what wares?
Corrected. Thanks.
Most of Mr. Sellar’s advice seems fairly obvious, but I guess this only shows how slow his audience is. In the case of bitchy expats, that’s pretty darn slow, it seems.
But his advice can only go so far. I sometimes wonder if lots of expats came here because they were miserable in the first place. Sometimes, I want to shake them and explain to them, “If you left your home country cuz you were miserable, and you’re still miserable here, guess what? It ain’t your surroundings that’re making you miserable.”
I find that a bottle of 12-year-old blended scotch does wonders in fending off discontentment.
Thanks for the link, Robert!
Ha, dda, most of the products I’m a seller of are pieces of fiction.
As for Granfalloon’s comment, I don’t know how much intelligence plays into it. I’ve read that change-triggered depression is a pretty common problem among all kinds of immigrants and expats, even when such a move is a step up in the world.
But yeah, there’s also an argument to be made that some people come over miserable, expecting a change of scenery to fix what can only be fixed by a change in thinking and life choices. That’s unrealistic, though like any big move, if someone takes the opportunity to make the requisite changes in lifestyle and thinking, wonderful things can (and do) happen.
I should note that I don’t think every complaint is unreasonable, but I do think that people who are complaining constantly (even when their complaints are reasonable) may well be suffering a kind of mild depression. The reason I think this is that depression often involves a few things like learned helplessness (a sense of powerlessness) and a strong inertia. People who are miserable often stay stuck precisely because they are miserable.
And Michael — boo. Why drink that stuff to fend off anything when you can drink the good stuff and exult in it?
gordsellar, your snark detector is broken
I’ll have to read your article–to be honest I’ve never really been discontented about living in Korea (except for missing Mexican food, but that has been fixed). What started off as wanderlust has settled into feeling at home in Asia, and if anyone commits to the expat life they ought to have patience, curiosity, and a sense of humor. When I run into people here who complain melodramatically I find they usually lack one or all of these traits.
Fair enough Mr. Sellar. Maybe they aren’t that dumb. I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to get a dig in at complaining expats. They bother me more than the goddamn singing vegetable truck that rolls through my neighborhood (count the layers of irony!).
#4,
So does going out for a walk, getting to know people that share some of your interests(Korean or foreign), and joining a gym or picking up a new hobby…You know, the same stuff you’d do back home to deal with the stress of daily life.
For those of you who still think that living in Korea is hard…
Honestly, I don’t think you wouldn’t have lasted a week had you been here over a decade ago. The only alternative to Korean dishes and Koreanized Chinese food back then was ‘donkkass’ and ‘hamburger steak’. The two ‘PC-bangs’ in existence were still known as ‘internet cafes’. Moreover, the largest ‘super markets’ were barely the size of the smallest North American convenience stores and a bottom-line TV that sold for 149.99$ back home could be had for 560000 won on sale(when the exchange rate was roughly 700 won/US$).
Stop bitching. Enjoy your stay.
…When I bitch, it’s as a voter (I’m a permanent resident). This is my home, has been for the greater part of my adult life. Culture shock is something I feel when I return to my country of origin.
Correction: I doubt you would have lasted more than a week…
PS. There were quite a few people who, back then, didn’t last a whole week and several more who lasted less than 6 months.
That’s a nice theme he’s got, I wonder who he stole it off…?
Sampoong, which collapsed in ’96, had a large basement supermarket with the usual blackmarket stalls as did the other major department stores. I paid about W250,000 for the small TV I bought for my new apartment. Your point is taken, however, that Seoul has become much more internationalized over the last ten years.
Oops, that was ’95, not ’96.
韩国是小国
대한민국은 작은나라 입니다
not miserable,
just bored to death
the only good things about Korea are the soju joints that are open up to 7 am and the 개고기 전골 places that serve, well, yummy dog meat 전골 dishes…
China should just annex Korea so that during long holidays (e.g. 추석 or 설날)one could just hop on a train and go west to Urumqi or to Lhasa
14. How can you leave out the fact that you can buy liquor 24/7 and clubs stay open/serving until the break of dawn? God I miss all the debauchery and hedonism…
@bigguy:
China doesn’t need to annex Korea to get yummy dogmeat dishes. Many Chinese restaurants kill and cook to order.
You lost me at “my fiancee.”
“Stop bitching”
Why?
Isn’t that in the “Korea Herald”, not the “Korea Times”?
@5,
If learned helplessness is your problem then Korea should be the very last country anyone should be immigrating to.
Some of the most emotionally abusive people I have ever seen are Koreans, especially down south. My experience is mostly with children but I’m sure the abusiveness extends to all parts of the country.
Funny thing about Korea is that everyone takes this
under the guise of Confucian tradition. All you need to do is read a simple book on Confucian to realize it has shit all to do with it.
“Sampoong, which collapsed in ‘96, had a large basement supermarket with the usual blackmarket stalls as did the other major department stores. I paid about W250,000 for the small TV I bought for my new apartment. ”
That was in Seoul. As any long term resident of the provinces will tell you, “Seoul is not representative of Korea”.
“not miserable,
just bored to death”
That would be your fault. Sure, living abroad can be an alienating experience, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that the expat community in Korea is a very claustrophobic one. Get out, have fun. Pick up Korean and become a TV celebrity.
“Why?”
It was meant as advice, not an order. Bitching accomplishes nothing. It won’t make Korea more like your home country. It only holds you back, prevents you from exploring the many enjoyable things to do here, stops you from realizing that there are many local residents who share your interests, no matter how odd or excentric they may be.
That was in Seoul. As any long term resident of the provinces will tell you, “Seoul is not representative of Korea”…
Not to say that the provinces are desolate wastelands.
The giant supermarket in the department store was also found in other metro areas, wasn’t it?
And you’re talking “a decade ago”, right? In 1998, I thought E-Marts were popping up all over the country in 1998. Maybe you mean a little further back in time, before the collapse of 1997 when everything changed (I call it “Korea’s puberty”).
Gee, I wonder how America will be different after it’s “AIG Crisis” is over. Maybe it will be the opposite of Korea’s crisis and all the foreigners will go home.
One can argue about where the “real” Korea is to be found, but it is irrelevant, for your original statement did not describe what was representative. It used a superlative, “largest ’super markets.’”
If by ‘wise’ you mean generic and obvious then it is incredibly wise indeed.
I love it when the old school expats start with the old “you should have seen it ten years ago” shtick.
As if voluntarily living somewhere without a Starbucks is worth a medal of honor or something.
Interesting how everyone here so far has equated the degree of livability in Korea to material wealth and how much it cost.
I left Korea not because it lacked material comfort, but because the majority of my friends were other whiteys and the handful of cool Korean chicks who spoke English and wanted to hang out with us. I felt really separated from the general population and a realized that it wasn’t a place where I could integrate and belong. I spent two years learning the language, so it wasn’t (purely) a language barrier. The usual reaction to my using the language was shock and then an offer to privately someone’s kids English.
I wasn’t wanted in Korea for anything other than my white skin and my native-born English abilities. That was the source of my discontent.
#23,
I’ve been here longer than 10 years.
#26,
Starbucks? No thank you. I prefer roasting my own coffee.
“Bitching accomplishes nothing. It won’t make Korea more like your home country. ”
It might. How do you know it won’t?
I reckon it’s “its”.
#29,
You tell me…Could the rants of a few one-year E2 visa holders who suffer from culture-shock ever make a lasting impression on Korean society?
Another point…When I came to Korea, the only info available online about the ‘expat experience’ was a few dozen pages written by the wives of foreign diplomats and company execs. Based on their comments, most of them never left home without being chauffeured around. I distinctly remember one complaining that the only bakery she could find was at an expensive hotel in downtown Seoul. Another complained that the maid didn’t use hot water to wash the dishes.
Nowadays, people have the benefit of knowing what to expect when travel anywhere around the world thanks to the web. There’s really no reason to complain if you knew what you were getting yourself into when you signed your name at the bottom of the contract.
I used to bitch about life in Korea. Then I discovered Saudi Arabia. Thankfully, I am out of there. Korea never seemed so wonderful.
#26 You should have seen it 37 years ago!!!!
We started with 57 PCV and after 2 years most were gone. And we had 3 months of training BEFORE we got to Korea. But for many the cultural shock and lack of “starbucks” was just to much to bear.
#32
You are absolutely correct. When I read some “newbies” blog I am amazed at how many of them are unprepared. They know nothing about the language, culture, history etc. How can you go and live/ work in a foreign country and know zip?
Someguy, I guess part of the problem is the age old problem of signing the contract and then not getting what you were entitled to in the contract. But you were using it as a figure of speech.
Good news is after going to labour court I have finally been paid in total this very month. I finished my contract 1 year and 8 months ago. And if I didn’t have people in Korea doing my dirty work (as I have only been back sporadically), I would never have received it. And the stress they had to go through. But that said even if I knew in advance some of the shit I had to go through, I would have done it anyway because my partner is Korean, so I wanted to live in her country so I could understand her culture. Only really achieved one of those properly.
Likewise some of the biggest whingers/ korea haters it seems, are the ones that lived in Korea ages ago and have left. But that is a generalisation I am not sure I can back up.
Richardx, dropping yourself unprepared into a situation makes it all the more exciting. But I grant you when everything does go pear shaped you only have yourself to blame. To blame it on your surroundings show a critical lack of insight.
@27,
Now you know what immigrants all around the world feel.
I do not mean this as a put-down. Just saying living as an expat (myself, a gyopo, included) has that crappy element to it. I empathize 100%.
@thekorean:
Do you consider yourself an expat or a gyopo? If you’re one, you’re not the other. Expats clearly identify themselves as foreigners, not locals. As you’re probably aware, in the US, Canada, and other immigrant countries, you have a variety of self-identification choices.
Moreover, we North Americans who welcome our foreign-born residents value them not for their race or native language but for the fruits of their labor and flavors of their cultures.
Sonagi:
Why can’t he be both? If he’s in America or Canadas as a ROK citizen, he might be an expat, but as an ethnic Korean living a long time outside of Korea, he’s also a kyopo.
“North Americans who welcome our foreign-born residents” are one subset of North Americans. Not everybody in America shares your rosy outlook on immigrants, Sonagi. Enough people have such narrow and limiting views on the immigrants from each country that I think what theKorean said in #36 was on target.
(34.) “How can you go and live/ work in a foreign country and know zip?”
I agree….but to play Devil’s Advocate: I researched the *$&% out of Korea, *and* I had connected friends in country… and it all turned to sh1t anyway.
While doing your homework is usually a good idea, a crap-hole industry like Korea’s hagwon system makes rolling the dice not something favoring the gambler.
While doing your homework is usually a good idea, a crap-hole industry like Korea’s hagwon system makes rolling the dice not something favoring the gambler.
If you did your homework, you would have realized it was a crap-hole industry you shouldn’t have gotten involved with in the first place.
Expats may live in a foreign country one, two, or ten years but are not immigrants in a true sense; that is, they have not put down permanent roots in the country. Some so-called expat commenters are actually immigrants although it may seem strange to apply that term to a Westerner living in Korea.
That is exactly why I modified the noun “North Americans” with “who welcome our foreign-born residents” as a restrictive adjective clause.
“I guess part of the problem is the age old problem of signing the contract and then not getting what you were entitled to in the contract. But you were using it as a figure of speech.”
Yes, I was…But, you do make a very good point. It’s hard to get over culture shock when one is being screwed by his employer and the resulting discontent often breeds contempt.
It seems the KH will print almost anything.
It’s good for young people to travel. Adolescence, at least in Canada, is unhealthily prolonged into the mid-20′s. Go travel, get ripped off, abused, cheated and lied to. Or fall in love, fuck like a bunny, make friends and money, have a great time. It’s all good. Just go. That’s the most important thing.
But maybe, just maybe, one advantage that we old-timers had was that the lack of an Internet meant we actually had to live 100% of our lives off-line.
You’re not that old Linkd. I’ve been an Internet addict since 13 and we’re about the same age.
Wry smile. Didn’t know you were such a geek.
There were 12 guys in my lab in ’95. One of them had an email address. When I left Canada that year, they passed around a book at my going-away party and everyone wrote in their postal mailing addresses. A few years later, I noticed that a lot of Reggae Pub patrons mentioned dropping in at a place called Cyberia a lot. I went with a friend a few times, but I just had a coffee and chatted with the staff. I had no idea what to do at the computers.
Sonagi:
That is exactly why I modified the noun “North Americans” with “who welcome our foreign-born residents” as a restrictive adjective clause.
Your sentence was carefully written and I agree with it. I just wanted to emphasize something that was relevant to thekorean’s point.
Sonagi, I find what you write carefully considered, accurate and helpful. You’re very good at seeing through stereotypes and nonsense and getting to the heart of an issue.
And thanks for the grammar lesson.
hoju_saram,
Same place as you did, I assume.
(Though somehow your footer behaves better than mine… maybe it’s a more recent version of the template? I’d like to find out!
As for those who think this advice is obvious — well, yeah, maybe it is, but the number of people around me who seem not to do the obvious thing, and lead much less happy lives because of it, suggests that common sense is less common than the phrase implies.
#45,46,
I remember using Telex machines and 8-bit kit computers, chatting on dial-up bulletin boards, and finally ‘browsing’ using Gopher…and I’m probably not much older than you are.
29? I got a Lisa when I was 5. 8-bit kit computer definitely gives you a longer epeen. *bows*
You must log in to post a comment.