Maybe the Table Had Hot Legs

by Sonagi on March 30, 2008

in Completely Random Crap

An Ohio man has been arrested for having sex with a picnic table in his backyard and inside his home.  This potential nominee for a Darwin Award made porn videos of the acts, and those DVDs were passed along to the police.

Tagged as: sick sick sick

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 peppermint March 30, 2008 at 9:02 am

funny, but now I cant stop wondering about the um,logistics of sex with a picnic table. . Hope he got splinters!

2 foflappy March 30, 2008 at 9:56 am

If it’s metal, and he flipped it on its side, he could have gone for the umbrella hole. Er….Not that I have any experience.

3 david w. March 30, 2008 at 11:10 am

yeah, go ahead and laugh marmot’s readers! pfff…y’all actin’ like you never had sex with a picnic table. get real.

4 dinkus maximus March 30, 2008 at 11:30 am

in a perfect world, or nearly perfect, a man would be able to have sex with a picnic table and not have his life ruined over it. in america, his face gets pasted all over the media. yes, having sex with a picnic table is weird, and if his backyard doesn’t have tall trees this is “indecent.” but what about the guy who makes “three dvds” of said act?

5 Benicio74 March 30, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Funny how they print the guy’s name and picture, but here in Korea they won’t reveal the full name of killers and rapists for fear of “damaging their reputation”.

6 SomeguyinKorea March 30, 2008 at 1:21 pm

So, he has a strange taste in sex toys…I dind’t know sex toys were illegal in Ohio.

7 Bipolar Mindscrew March 30, 2008 at 5:57 pm

My first thought was splinters too… After some careful thought, I realize this is the type of picnic table you can put an umbrella in the center… Actually a pretty good idea when you think about… for someone who can’t afford a rubber woman or the real thing…

8 Sperwer March 30, 2008 at 9:14 pm

If the guy had stuck to a knothole, kept the knot and replaced at after introducing shorty, he might have been able to plead impossibility.

9 R. Elgin March 30, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Breathing is possibly illegal in Ohio, thus I am not surprised the police were involved.

10 Timmy March 31, 2008 at 2:55 am

Personally, I find the umbrella hole to big..er, I mean, too small.

11 Acropolis7 March 31, 2008 at 7:05 am

Keep this man away from Dolphins.

12 John March 31, 2008 at 8:07 am

I was born and raised in Ohio and I never had sex with a picnic table … outrageous … well, maybe once with a folding chair …

13 hitest March 31, 2008 at 2:06 pm

I wonder if it was consentual and if the table was old enough ?

I can’t imagine the man’s Bunt cake pan and turkey baster have been spared :)

Don’t imagine he will be hosting too many dinner parties in the near future.

14 Owoe March 31, 2008 at 6:53 pm

Thanks for expanding our horizons…

15 Railwaycharm April 1, 2008 at 3:29 pm

#4 having sex with a picnic table is weird, and if his backyard doesn’t have tall trees this is “indecent.”

If it’s long enough, and hard enough, it’s indecent.

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