The Marmot’s Hole

Interesting piece of historical trivia, from Wikipedia:

Defence Scheme No. 1 was a plan created by Canadian Director of Military Operations and Intelligence Col. James “Buster” Sutherland Brown, for a Canadian pre-emptive invasion of the United States.

Defence Scheme No. 1 was created in 1921 and details a surprise attack on the northern U.S. as soon as possible after evidence was received of an American invasion of Canada. According to the plan, Canadian troops would immediately be sent to seize Seattle, Washington; Great Falls, Montana; Minneapolis, Minnesota; and Albany, New York in a surprise attack. In case of heavy resistance, the Canadians would retreat to their own borders, destroying bridges and railways to hinder any retaliation by the Americans. The purpose of the invasion would be to allow time for Canada to prepare its war effort and to receive aid from Britain, or to limit the American invasion before the US government opted to discontinue the incursions.

You fiends!

Col. Brown apparently did a lot of the recon work for the plan himself, to great comedic effect:

Brown himself did reconnaissance for the plan, along with other lieutenant-colonels, all in plainclothes. These missions took place from 1921 and 1926. As historian Pierre Berton noted in his book Marching as to War, these investigations had “a zany flavour about it, reminiscent of the silent comedies of the day.” To illustrate this, Berton quoted from Brown’s reports, in which Brown recorded, among other things, that in Burlington, Vermont the people were “affable” and thus unusual for Americans; that Americans drink significantly less alcohol than Canadians (this was during Prohibition), and that upon pointing out that to Americans one responded “My God! I’d go for a glass of beer. I’m going to ‘Canady’ to get some more”; that the people of Vermont would only be serious soldiers “if aroused”; and that many Americans might be sympathetic with the British cause.

Heck, you could probably invade Vermont now and get considerable support. And let this also be a warning to Americans everywhere — what do you think all those Canadians are doing at SNL, huh? They’re testing our defenses, damn it!

In fairness, it should be pointed out the Canuck plan was a counterpart to the US War Plan Red, a hypothetical war between the US and the British Empire, to be fought primarily in Canada (a.k.a. War of 1812: Part II):

War Plan Red was a military document outlining a hypothetical war between the United States and the British Empire (the “Red” forces). It was developed by the United States Army during the mid 1920s, and was officially withdrawn in 1939, when it and others like it were replaced by the five “Rainbow” plans created to deal with the Axis threat.

The war was intended to be a continental war, waged primarily on North American territory between the United States and the British Empire. The assumption was that Canada would represent the ideal geographic forum through which the British could wage war against the United States.

How about this for an opening salvo:

Occupying Halifax following a poison gas first strike (emphasis mine), would deny the British a major naval base and cut links between Britain and Canada.

So, I take it Boston wouldn’t be getting its Christmas Tree that year, then?

UPDATE: More on Canadian Defense Scheme No. 1 here. Fascinating stuff — Britain’s then-alliance with Imperial Japan was a major factor in the plan, it would appear:

Japan is still an Ally of Great Britain. The question of the renewal of the Japanese Treaty comes up this year. Whatever Japan’s attitude may be at any other time, there is not much doubt, in case of war between the British Empire and the United States, that Japan would take immediate military action against the American Republics, in which case it would make matters much more favourable to us, especially at beginning of the campaign, if we would find that Japan would carry out her traditional policy of delivering their Declaration of War and an Operation at the same time…

The 2005 WaPo piece on War Plan Red, meanwhile, was a real hoot:

Invading Canada won’t be like invading Iraq: When we invade Canada, nobody will be able to grumble that we didn’t have a plan.
[...]
First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts — marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada’s Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it’s only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: “ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL.”

The rest of the piece is hella funny — read it.