I was sitting at the big Gwanghwamun Kyobo bookstore in Seoul, eating lunch when I thought I saw a Korean woman talking to her daughters nearby. Something in my unconscious told me that wasn’t exactly the case. Before too long, I realize she was speaking American English to them. As so often the case in such situations, before too long, I found myself talking to she and the girls. She was a long-term American resident and the two girls were born in the States.
Something about how friendly and quick to talk to strangers struck me as so…so…American. It made me miss home so much. Sometimes, you don’t realize you miss something (in this case, American culture) until you experience it up close after not having it around for close to two years.
For me, living and working in Korea as an expat is something of a mobius strip. The very things I love about it are the very things that cause me so much trouble. I love the sense of being forever different — a “visible minority,” if you will — and yet I hate how no matter what I do I’m not going to have (Korean) “common sense” anytime soon, if ever.
The classic line about such things on the part of Koreans is, “Here is Korea.” Usually, this is used whenever there is some gaping cultural difference between Korea and the West that the Korean in question simply refuses to ignore. It’s the Korean equivalent of “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
Yet that sense of being the “other” is extremely addictive and yet extremely destructive and corrosive at the same time. Looking back at my (almost exactly) two years here in Korea, I realize the experience has allowed me to grow so, so much as a person. I understand the human condition so much better, in large part because of the kooky behavior of my fellow expats.
Again and again, think about the events of my two years here and wonder about the extremely symbiotic relationship between misfit expats who need a place like Korea to live and prosper and Korea that is more than happy to accept said kooks. I’m not saying I’m not kooky — I mean, I came to Korea at 31, how much more kooky can you get — it’s just that not all of my fellow expats are not kind hearted kooks. In fact, some of them are downright assholes. I like to say that expats are walking ids — there are only three things that will get them to do anything: sex, booze and money.
The more experience I have in Korea, however, the more I realize how easy — easy — it would be to become The Bitter Expat. You know the one, the expat who has been here since dirt, hates the place and yet seems determined never to leave. When I first came to Korea I was awash in new experiences and was as “high on life” as I am physiologically able to be…when I ran into The Bitter Expat in all his/her full glory. I was taken aback that someone could stay somewhere so long and yet hate it. (I think this particular Bitter Expat had been in the country for, like, six years and had a Korean wife). Now, I’m so blase about such stuff that it barely registers.
Oh, that makes perfect sense. Been in Korea six, seven, even eight years and hate the place? Yeah…sure…I can see that making TOTAL sense. Hell, when it comes to expats in Korea, I can see almost anything making sense.
And yet, this is the place where it all gets fuzzy. How much the problems between expats and Koreans is poor communication and how much is that a unusually large number of expats are such misfits to begin with that they would have problems no matter where they lived?
On the poor communication side of things, I recently explained it to a Korean friend this way, “Just as Koreans have to speak English to oegugin to communicate with them effectively, shouldn’t they at least keep in mind the cultural differences when attempting to engage in social interactions?” And let’s not even go into how Korean culture is such that usually you don’t know you’re really annoying people doing something until it’s so late that it’s kind of pointless to even try to rectify the situation. Aigo, indeed.
Meanwhile, I sure have met a lot of expats who would have problems with social interactions no matter where they might be living. It makes me worry that the “soft” power of their individual nations may be seriously jeopardized given I’m sure at least one Korean thinks all 37 million Canadians or 300 million Americans at just like THAT guy.
Now that I am on the cusp of returning for a visit to the land of my birth, I find myself thinking up angst-ridden lists about the things I’m going to have to do or not do once I land on American soil. No bowing. Check. Touching in public is acceptable. Check. No kimchi, soju or noraebangs anywhere to be found. Aigo!
While I know I need to go home, a part of me just doesn’t really want to. I would rather just go to Jeju or maybe Dukdo rather than go home to Miguk. And….yet…I need to recharge my cultural batteries. After two years of hanging out with Korea, my best friend who has really weird quirks that drive me nuts every once in a while, I need to leave this Peninsula of Misfit Expat Toys and go back to the land of my birth…even if its just for a few days. Somewhere I can say, “Here is America.”
14 Comments
“…expats are walking ids — there are only three things that will get them to do anything: sex, booze and money.”
This is an excellent description.
Shelton, go to Greece instead of the U.S., tour the wineries, help make some wine (in season), travel around Parnassos, hit all the fun night clubs around Syntagma in Athens and then don’t write about it.
You are a wise sage, Elgin.
“All the world is queer save me and thee, and sometimes I think even thee is a little queer.”
“All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.”
-Bobby Knight (1940 - )
All too often you run into THAT guy. This is well put. I was channel surfing when I happened upon Jerry Springer. I thought oh $hit, there goes the Korean perspective of Yanks!
I enjoyed this post, Shelton. I think you sum up “the bitter expat” quite nicely. Meanwhile, a number of expats have been saying good things about our experiences in this country for the last several weeks: I did, on Election Day. Wyatt of Kimchi and Me has just related something similar, as has Sumiyoshi Pilgrim. Meanwhile, Expatriate Games seems pretty happy with her Korean husband and their new baby. Meanwhile, Bukhan Mountain Breakdown has just posted a hilarious incident with one such bitter expat. It would be nice if this were a trend.
Make sure you keep away from the Koreatowns.
I think this explains quite well, the ‘bitter expat’.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07.....r=homepage
“There is a new installment in the annals of loneliness. Americans are not only lacking in bowling partners, now they’re lacking in people to tell their deepest, darkest secrets. They’ve hunkered down even more, their inner circle often contracting until it includes only family, only a spouse or, at worst, no one.
And that is something the Internet may help ease, but is unlikely to cure. “
This is a phenomenon that I’m wondering about, but put the other way around, i.e., “how could someone hate this place so much yet be still living here.” I can certainly understand people hating the place they live (not just Korea but anywhere else), but the fact that they continue to live there (especially if they come from such a great, superior country like the U.S. which they like to compare their host country with when going on their bitter rants) is the part that is strange. Well, maybe not so strange if you consider that many of these bitter expats are, in fact, losers back home. Well life is a biatch ain’t it? SUCK IT UP!
to her…
I feel for you Shelton. In the real world you meet expats with personalities like a kimchi fart. Then they slither out to comment whenever you blog.
You failed to mention the bitter expat that actually enjoys Korea, speaks the language and embraces the culture; the bitter expat that can’t stand the “kooks” or the silly guy in the maple leaf shirt, with the maple leaf wallet, wearing the backpack with the maple leaf patch on it. Did I mention the maple leaf coffee mug or lapel pendant? However, far worse than eh-boy is the expat that has lived in the country for over five years and still has to call ex-girlfriends to order a pizza. The same one that likes to point out all the differences in Korea during the World Cup and after. The expat that collects pictures of incoherent drink labels and neon signs in Englishi. The same boring expat that “teaches” away in “institutions” to bounce from check to check saving only for deboucherous excursions to Pukhet for a little
red-eyed whoringexperiencing of exotic cultures.The bitterness will take anyone with enough time. Most just hide it well with like-minds in local watering holes or over 5겹살 and 백세주.
PS: Shelton, we have and abundance or soju, singing rooms and kimchi back here in the States. Things are usually easier to notice when you are looking for them — in the right places, mind you.
“I found myself talking to she and the girls”
Sounds pretentious to the ear and I’m pretty sure its grammatically incorrect as well and should be “to her and the girls”.