it’s been well-documented here at the marmot’s hole how so obvious it is that FIFA are waging its conspiracy campaign against korea, koreans, korean culture, the korean language, korean way of life, kimchee, soju, scientist woo-suk hwang, and, soon, long-time national hero, admiral sun-shin yi. however, before FIFA get their chance to smear admiral yi, they have taken on–and successfully defeated–a modern-day korean hero, the round-eyed king of korean football, guus hiddink.
in case you missed it last night, king hiddink’s australia squad were defeated by one of FIFA’s co-conspirators, italy, in a world cup round of 16 match. the loss in and of itself is not cause for suspicion, but the nature of the loss certainly is.
in a world cup fast becoming known less for the stellar play and sublime goals of the players of the competing nations than for the incredibly low quality of officiating, australia were a victim of a very dubious penalty given to ten-man italy at such a late point in the match that the ensuing penalty kick was the very last kick of the game.
that the australian player was lying unconscious on the ground in the penalty area, victim of a sniper shot from one of FIFA’s paramilitary units sitting on the roof of the stadium, was completely ignored by the spanish referee. that the italian player tripped, and then dove, over the prone and very dead aussie–because he’d forgotten his pregame instructions from one of FIFA’s goons about how to make the dive look like a brutal cutdown by the defender–was conveniently ignored by the spanish referee. (did you notice that spanish is now the official language of FIFA? you would were you able to logon to its web site).
however, fortunately for FIFA, because korea is out of the world cup and because so many korean netijens are in their fourth day without sleep as they continue to wage their online terrorism against football’s governing body, the only people watching the football games now are me, a couple of the hole’s dedicated footie fans, and, i believe, a group of tibetan pygmies living in the mountains of gangwon province. none of the netijen terrorists actually knew there was a match involving their great round-eye king.
as luck would have it for the korean cause, though, irate australians are putting down their mugs of mead, their pints of pilsner, their bowls of beer, and their grails of ale to join the koreans and are plotting their own terrorist war against FIFA.
though their strategy is still in its formative stages–and, of course, top secret–one thing is for certain: as non-aboriginal australians are descendants of great britain’s finest and pettiest criminals of several centuries previous and, as such, are feeble-minded in the pursuits of technology and internet prowess, they will not participate in a cyber-war but, more likely, will wage war involving the myriad of poisonous and man-eating creatures so prevalent to the world’s largest and most inhospitable island.
after all of FIFA’s governing personnel have been poisoned to death by snakes or spiders, after all swiss and italian citizens have been devoured by man-eating kangaroos, crocodiles, wombats, emus, and mutant koalas, the new alliance, called korestralia, will cancel the remainder of the competition and anoint itself world cup champion for 2006.
in other news: ukraine unwittingly announced itself as the new korestralian alliance’s arch-enemy when it put a crimp into all the pro-swiss conspiracy theories by somehow defying the odds, playing the entire match 11-on-14, and beating switzerland on penalty kicks to advance to the quarterfinals against italy. the only way for ukraine to avoiding being invaded and wiped from the face of the earth in the coming days by the korestralian alliance is to lose to italy at the weekend.
all of this action sure beats england’s continuing pathetic play in the world cup, don’t you think?
37 Comments
Geez, Korean nutizens, stop the insanity. They’re reporting about Korean cyber attacks on the FIFA site here in Germany.
Back to Italy-Australia. A dubious penalty call in the 94th minute for the Italian drama queen and amateurish actor… hm, what more to say, than… good fricking Lord, damn ref, that wasn’t worth a penalty, you blind SOB!!!
*Sigh* what’s done is done, we may whine for a day, but we definitely won’t attack FIFA web site or go on and on and on. Bring on the rugby world cup 2007! We’ll show those Italians how to play real man sport should they be unfortunate enough to get drawn with us!
You know I can take on kangaroos, crocodiles, wombats, and mutant koalas. But emus..They are big, fast and ferocious.
Got to watch out for emus. If you see them, just run. Run like there is no tomorrow.
If they see you first, you are dead.
testing.. the previous message I posted didn’t go through..
Mr. Shin’s right, Italian drama queens and referees that need white canes and seeing-eye dogs…there’s some good football, but it’s buried under all the shitty refereeing.
Did anyone see where Seoul was ranked as the world’s second-most expensive city to live in?
The Koreans are holding a massive protest at Seoul Station over this survey. They think they should have been number one.
That was a pretty entertaining take on things, Dave.
World Cup? What World Cup?
Everyone knows that the World Cup ended over the weekend.
Sugar Shin—Unfortunately, it’s hard to blame the netizen fringe when MBC does stuff like this.
What all this does is put to rest the usual explanation that Koreans’ xenophobia stems from their shrimp between whales complex. Here they are hating a shrimp that’s even smaller than they are.
thank you for writing an update that was sarcastic enough to make me feel like i don’t need to write it. kudos and what not.
worst penalty kick awarded i have ever seen
second was the Ghana vs the US
i honestly thought how ironic that the swiss lost today to Ukraine seeing how all the koreans were bitching of biased refereeing for them!!!!
swiss are tough they never gave up a goal
i remember an airiang world cup preview some kyopo was on there saying how the swiss weak and korea would beat them
he said most swiss players only play in their domestic league and its not that good
wonder what he thinks now!
i am glad that people in germany will here about the loonies here in korea and their whining……happens every international event
i guess we should be used to it by now
I do not know if this is old news, but FIFA has analyzed the video and deterimined there was no off-sides. There is a good freeze-frame of the it at the following link:
http://kr.sports.yahoo.com/fif.....6344925394
Don’t you mean “C”orestralia?
“Geez, Korean nutizens, stop the insanity”
I would guess it’s about 500 hardcores launching a denial of service, and about 100,000 who actually emailed FIFA once. 100,000 people is a lot of people, but hardly a dent in the ROK’s internet population.
There was a study not too long ago where it said 3% of Korean ‘netizens’ made 50% of the comment posts at BBS sites.
Lot of noise and lot of hot air. Koreans are famous for playing the numbers game, internet is no different.
That’s what I’m guessing.
Probably right, cm. It’s interesting reading the comments under the photograph of the onside call. The general drift seems to be a sulky: “All right, so maybe it wasn’t offsides - but what about the handling?” Others now want to simply shift their xenophobic hatred to the big-nose who befuddled the Daeguk Warriors (intentionally, no doubt!) by raising the flag.
But there are quite a few who are putting the blame where it belongs, i.e. at the frozen feet of the Korean defense. I don’t think this controversy will last forever like the Ohno one.
How about a single WC post without mentioning Korea? Who’s more obsessive, the “netijens” or you?
knutts, this is a korea page and korea for the past few days, if not the past two weeks, has been alluded to in nearly every world cup post or comment; read today’s post again. it was an attempt at levity, something that was on the verge of spinning into the black hole of ugliness, ludicrousness, and hysteria, and forever banished from our sight.
now you’ve changed to the u.s. from indo?
Actually I was hoping the Swiss to win the Cup. Korean team will look good losing to the eventual Champion. And, the country to hate is Argentina. The referee is from there.
gbevers, congratulation. You have found another topic to write about. Do branch out to topics other than Dokto please.
Montclaire:
Sorry to nitpick, but it’s not “Daeguk” (like “Dae—han Minguk”) but “Taegeuk” (the yin-yang symbol on the South Korean flag).
Italian game I saw live. Italians play dirty football. This is how an Italian defends.
Opposition player runs at full speed with the ball. Italian player runs slightly ahead, side by side, and suddenly wings out an elbow to nail the opposition player, and then takes the ball, as the opposition player falls in pain. Is this the chariot race in Ben Hur?
The ref blew that call at the end, completely. Australian’s tackle missed completely. Italian player dodges it clean, and then intentionally trips and falls over the Australian to induce a call. Even the Spanish tv guys were saying no falta, in the re-play. Australia got robbed. A one-on-one penalty kick at the very end? Ref gave the game away.
Swizterland vs Ukraine. Saw that, too. Interesting how they play defense near the goal. 2 Swiss were covering one Ukraine player. The 2 Swiss spread out their arms like they’re flying ” to trick the ref that they’re not fouling”, but pretty much ram the Ukraine player everywhere with their heads.
Perhaps the yellow cards aren’t working? Maybe a move to arm the refs with 410-gauge shotguns loaded with rock-salt would work. Might keep the elbows and diving to a minimum (slightly tongue in cheek here). Would add a bit of excitement to the match too.
I know its a Korea blog but I was a little disappointed the Portugal-Netherlands game didn’t get more coverage. Any ideas on how Deco’s absence will affect the mid-field game against England? (Also, how’s that for no reference to Korea? or did I just negate myself?)
mr chips, my bad… i completely blew it in covering both the england-ecuador and portugal-holland matches.
to be honest, i was so mystified by the spectacle of yellow and red cards in the portugal-holland match–and so tired from lack of sleep–that i was punch-drunk and decided to blow it off for the day.
won’t happen again… and i’ll get to the prospects of england-portugal and the rest of the quarterfinals soon…
well thank you sir,
Though i’m not normally an England or Portugal fan I think this matchup has the makings of a classic. Some folks I’ve talked to seem to think Portugal might be too emotionally involved already and make this out to be an overly-physical contest. I’m not willing to go that far yet; I think both teams have an awful lot of creative output yet to be displayed and are going to put on a show with both teams peaking at the right time.
Anyhoo, here’s to a great matchup!!
There’s only one thing that Koreans love more than winning and that’s feeling like they’re being persecuted.
MrChips,
With Deco out and Cristiano Ronaldo possibly out, I am not sure how potent Portugal will remain. Those are arguably their two best players! And I am not sure if England is exactly “peaking” either. I look forward to a rather soporific context, though I pray that I am proven wrong.
Mr. Choe, I’m really hoping Ronaldo is ready for the match. Emotionally he is into this cup more than any other player out there and it would be a pity to lose him for this match. I agree that Deco’s loss is going to make England’s domination of the mid-field a huge factor. Figo and Pauleta are going to have to bring their A-game to work this one out.
I might be the only one who thinks this but has anyone else noticed a remarkable difference between Beckham and the rest of the English squad. I know he is not the same player as a few years ago but he seems to have a far deeper field command than the rest of his teammates and is looking 2-3 passes ahead instead of everyone else who looks for the 1-2 punch. I could be full of crap but he gives the appearance of one with extraordinary football vision.
BTW Mr. Choe, I’m also originally from West Hartford, Middlefield off of Fern, to be exact. Nice to see a fellow Whalers fan.
Mrchips,
An-nyung-ha-seh-yo! That’s so odd, given that W. Hartford is hardly more than a speck-sized town. I was at Arnoldale Rd., at Whiting Lane primary school district.
Perhaps we’ve met at some middle school soccer game?
could be…I was a Morley/King Philip soul myself, living amongst a few Kingswood Oxford yuppies. Funny enough, I ran into an Air Force officer a few years back in Japan who taught at King Philip the year after I left there. Small world.
ROFL, I went to King Philip myself. The world is smaaaaaaaaaaaaal….
Of course, I’ve had even more eery encounters that should be best left unspoken online…
Somehow, I don’t think that rock-salt would fit in a 410-gauge shotgun. After all, the gauge number is inversely proportional to the bore diameter (so a 20-gauge is smaller than a 12-gauge, for example). Somehow, I don’t think that shooting players with non-lethal projectiles is the answer… Sure, it might clear up some of the problems with fouling, but can you imagine the whinging and crying from the player who got shot? Heck, soccer players roll on the ground crying when they’ve not even been touched.
Personally, I think the way to deal with the fouls is to turn soccer into a full-contact sport with no fouls. I’m sure players would eventually start policing themselves once they realized that the retribution from the other team would be much more severe than a card of any color.
dd: point taken. as for the flag change (how does it do that automatically???), yes, i’ve been a travelling man recently.
fyi, now that korea is out, i support england.
“fyi, now that korea is out, i support england.”
Doesn’t everyone?
actually I shouldnt have said 410-gauge since it’s really not a “gauge” like 10, 12, 16, and 20. 410 is .410 caliber. But anyhoo, you can buy ground rock-salt in 50 pound bags at the same local place you can get your shell-reloading kit; simply dump it in the shell instead of birdshot. Its great for running off wild dogs and other vermin. Though I know FIFA will never employ it, its funny to picture a Warner Brothers moment of some fairy-footed forward skipping down the pitch dogging the referee’s blasts.
and here’s a funny look at the skill of diving… clip called: Italian Training Camp.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....ing%20camp