By SHELTON BUMGARNER
Marmot’s Hole Guest Blogger
I generally like being one of those guys who secretly believes he’s “too hip for the crowd.” Of course, generally I get annoyed when the actual “cool” people come barging into my little self-deluded universe.
I read this and thought: “Oh, crap, hipsters have discovered Korean food.”
Is it just me (don’t answer that, of course it isn’t), or is Korean BBQ the latest in yupster dining trends? Coincidence or Not: I have been invited to dine at this particular genre restaurant twice in a five day period in two different cities. Maybe Korean BBQ is about to take the nation’s strip malls by storm–like the great sushi blitzkrieg of ‘87.
…
But as I discovered, Korean BBQ is not exactly new to Atlanta–just un-sampled by a majority of the non-asian population of the Peach State. While New York’s version was mainly about style, staying within health codes, and wearing all black, Atlanta’s had a charming griminess and felt more authentic. Both were delicious and a novel experience fit for a large group. I am sure it is just a matter of time before Korean BBQ becomes THE choice for large party dinners.
To put this all in context, the follow who wrote the above piece for Jane Magazine’s blog (my favorite women’s magazine, dontcha know…I use to have a mad crush on Jane Pratt) has a site, Goldenfiddle that is same-same to popular American-based gossip blogs Gawker and Defamer (only different.)
Please, Naborat Jeebus, don’t let the hipsters co-op Hallyu in the United States and turn it into the latest trucker hat. Just the idea of seeing Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson or, God forbid, Lindsay Lohan Wilmer Valderrama in a hanbuk as they stumble saunter into some chic Hollywood nightclub is enough to make me reach for my gun…er…soju.
Although, I’m sure somewhere Gedde Watanabe* is smiling. No more yankie my wankie, indeed, Mr. Dong. Fighting!
*Yes, I know he’s Japanese-American, but in Sixteen Candles, he plays an over-the-top stereotype of a Korean exchange student.
45 Comments
I generally like being one of those guys who secretly believes he’s “too hip for the crowd.”
Arrgh; he’s like an onion — layer after layer of self-obsessed prattle.
You’re truly the Lance Dickie of Korea, Mr. Bum.
In so many ways….
With a name like Shelton Bumgarner, an affinity for women’s magazines, and a proclivity for using phrases like “dontchaknow,” you’re the epitome of hip.
And by hip I mean gay.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Alright now, let’s play nice. Remember, the key here is “constructive criticism.”
Wow, you guys give no quarter!
These posts I usually skip over, but having to work on this holiday I have a lot of downtime, so I read it and now submit my review:
There are no hipsters in Atlanta. One anecdote from a women’s magazine blog is a weak anchor for the premise, although it does suit the shallow name dropping that follows. The references in this post are almost certainly of no interest to readers here and are at any rate irrelevant to a blog about Korea, and it’s filled with non sequiturs. That’s as constructive as I can be.
Nothing wrong with seeing Korean food in the west - the more variety in the world the better I say. But due to the total lack of such variety in Korea these are probably the last places I’d want to have to eat in ever again.
Well, I would like to see hypertext used more frequently.
I generally like being one of those guys who secretly believes he’s “too hip for the crowd.” Of course, generally I get annoyed when the actual “cool” people come barging into my little self-deluded universe.
Dude
“That place is too crowded, no one goes there anymore”
Yogi Berra
I don’t know what the situation is in Atlanta but in Los Angeles, what with the large Korean population and presence in the community, there has been a noticeable rise in non-Koreans visiting Korean restaurants. However, given the problems with service and ambience at many of these places, typically only the adventurous or the especially gastronomically inclined are likely to visit these restaurants.
But I would hardly call the customers “hipsters.” If anything, I’d just say they were yuppies. Last time I went to the ever popular Soot Bull Jeep in Koreatown, I overheard a middle-aged couple describing how fun it all was, to cook their own food and how they just LOVE ethnic food.
Not that I would know, but I’ve always thought the “hipsters” of my generation didn’t even eat meat.
Even without the ludicrous hypertext, I can never read Sheldon’s writing. It hurts.
Sally sells seashells by the seashore.
Marmot—is Buttgummer blackmailing you or something?
Why else would you be letting the little shit pollute what is otherwise a very fine journal?
You have solid commentators like Andrei Lankov on one hand, and then that ingratiating pipsqueak on the other. What gives? Is he your retarded cousin? Is this some kind of charity? Does he know something we don’t?
He is blackmailing you, isn’t he?
kkkkkkk You guys are so funny.
Given how much shit I’ve gotten for making the issue “me,” it pains me to, well, talk about me in response to all this talk about me, but I feel I have to say something.
I have looked over the post with a critical eye and I still thing it’s cool. Yes, I can see how it makes me look a bit “metrosexual” to be kind, but over all I think if someone were just casually reading it, they would grin by the end of it. It’s a bit “tongue in cheek” if you are kind. Or “cloyingly annoying” if you’re not kind. I know how it looks for a man to talk about his favorite women’s magazine, but I thought it was funny enough to risk the potential attacks. Shrug. No body told me being a writer would easy.
I believe some of the problem is the Squeaky Wheels are absolutely literal in their world view. WYSIWYG. My writing is obviously not to be taken absolutely literally and it’s done within the conventions of modern writing so it’s not like the average person is going to be fooled into doing just that.
I wrote the piece because I have a hunch — and it’s just that — that Hallyu is about to make it big in North American culture and the post I linked to is just the sort of thing that would seem to indicate that. It’s building to a tipping point, blah blah blah. It starts with something small like food and then suddenly it gets picked up by hipsters who blog about it, Hallyu is huge with them for a few months and just as it begins to fade in the Blue States, it will start to take off in a more general way in the Red States. Newsweek does a huge cover spread on it and it’s declared officially dead, never to be seen again. That’s how these things work.
And let me note yet again — I continue writing here because I get the continued support and encouragement of the “publisher.” Therefore, if you think I’m simply a big piece of shit that needs flushing, should you make your case to him.
Shelton wrote:
Too late. Sort of.
The Marmot wrote:
I think Shelton swallowed the key in some sort of bizarre murder-suicide, but that’s neither here nor there.
Constructive criticism, constructive criticism…Shelton, you got a lot of praise for your post right before this. I don’t know if that emboldened you to just write or if you simply did not get how/why that post received praise and this one (and others like it) did not.
Take a good hard look at the post(s) that have received good reviews, side by side with those that have received jeers (such as this one), to see what it is about your writing that resonates or falls flat.
I must admit, it’s not an easy task. There have been some posts on my own blog that I actually considered not posting at all, but eventually received effluent approval (e.g., “disturbingly hilarious”), while others that I thought were rather amusing were greeted with criticism, boos, heckles, vituperation, condemnation, denunciation, denigration, and jeers until Sonagi’s typing hand was sore.
Duly noted, kushibo.
My response is — I have written here enough to let Robert know what he’s going to get and he doesn’t seem inclined to tell me to stop writing the way I *naturally* write. I feel like Steve Martin’s wacky weatherman character in L.A. Story. He gets fired for faking the weather one time — I mean, how often does the weather change in L.A.? — only to be brought back to be the “serious” anchor of the local evening newscast. (They bring George Plimpton in to do the weather!)
The post that got all the praise was not my usual writing style. My usual writing style is this one, the one where I’ve essentially been called Robert’s blackmailing gay retarded cousin. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)
I guess the reason I keep writing here is, in the words of Woody Allen at the end of Annie Hall, I “need the eggs.” The only thing that kinda saddens me at this point is that third-party people take this writing critique by way of the movies Saw, Hostel and Wolf Creek a great deal more seriously than I do.
And yet…something tells me that I have karma on my side. As they say, there’s (almost) no such thing as bad publicity. Remember, kiddies, it’s S-H-E-L-T-O-N B-U-M-G-A-R-N-E-R.
Where’s the damned hypertext?
Shelton, as much as it pains you, this is a sign, then, that you need to be flexible in your writing. That is, if you want to be a succesful writer. The public doesn’t want unadulterated Sheton; they want something that has gone through a refining process.
Is this so bad? No. Our writing must evolve. If it didn’t, I would still be writing about my cat Cinnamon or how I spent my summer vacation in Rochester, Minnesota. In crayon.
Shelton, put down the crayons. I say that out of love, but not the gay kind of love you’re thinking of, so stop looking at my ass.
Kushibo, to quote a famous American general during WWII:
**************
NUTS!
**************
Shelton, I’m not sure if what I said was all that clear (judging from your response), so I’ll clarify: “put down the crayons” doesn’t mean stop writing; it means adjust how and what you write if you want to be successful. There are signs that you can connect to your audience, if that is in fact what you want to do.
I’m not sure that the Korean wave is actually hitting the US right now. I live in New York City, where there are two “Koreatowns” and numerous Korean enclaves throughout Queens, and most of the people I know couldn’t find Korea on a map of Korea. I’ve educated my friends on Korean food and soju, but Korean movies don’t seem to get much traction outside of the Korean community. I think it’s got a ways to go, and I don’t think it will ever rise to anywhere near the level of the “Everything Japanese Is Awesome” anime-nerd crowd.
The upside of this is that if I speak Korean in a deli store or a restaurant, the owners are so happy that I almost always get free stuff and special treatment.
Kushibo,
I want to read about your cat Cinammon. (But not at the Hole.)
I reject everything you said, kushibo.
When writing for the web, I usually write like Robert’s blackmailing gay retarded cousin. The Marmot’s Hole is not a newspaper. It is the best expat blog in Korea, by far, but it’s not a newspaper. I see things this way — Robert writes about any and everything, Andy concentrates on politics and I’m the quirky human interest writer with a bit of technology now and then.
If I were writing news for a newspaper or a magazine, I’d write all serious and shit. I’ve done that for years and years and don’t have a problem with it. But, then, usually someone is paying me money to write that way, so I don’t a problem with being less creative and less quirky in such situations.
Here at the Marmot’s Hole, however, I’m not getting paid and I’m just doing it for fun. Ergo, I write like how feel like writing. Robert — to date — seems ok with me writing here in a manner that makes me feel comfortable, so I’m going to keep going until he tells me to stop.
A market exists for the type of writing that comes to me naturally — the fine folks at Gawker Media sure have proved that — it’s just unfortunate that I started off on the wrong foot with the audience here and now I have to enjoy the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a result.
Or put another way — Jennifer 8. Lee of The New York Times often writes trite, cloyingly annoying pseudo-trend pieces for that esteemed publication, but they keep letting her write for some reason. If such behavior is good enough for The New York Times, then I don’t see why we have to enter a black hole sun era here at the Marmot’s Hole if I feel like being a bit silly every once in a while using my own special brand of cloying annoyingness. Many of you guys really, really need to get laid. Repeat after me: It’s only a blog. It’s only a blog. It’s only a blog.
I’ll bottom-line it for everyone. Shelton will continue to write here and people will continue to mock him until either The Marmot or the visitors tire of it.
Kushibo,
Cinammon. Write.
I reject everything you said, kushibo.
At the risk of sounding really, really, really, really, really full of myself, I think most everyone here except The William G would agree that this is where the problem lies.
A market exists for the type of writing that comes to me naturally — the fine folks at Gawker Media sure have proved that — it’s just unfortunate that I started off on the wrong foot with the audience here and now I have to enjoy the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a result.
Shelton, you are so tragically wrong about this. You have convinced yourself that the criticisms are not valid because it’s just people stuck in a hastily concluded bash-Shelton rut. But your last post is one of several pieces of evidence that demonstrate that this is NOT the case: people are accepting and even welcoming of your writing when you rise to the occasion. There is no conspiracy against you; you would do well to heed the constructive criticism laid before you.
Ignore it at your peril.
That’s all I’m going to say. Unless I find a way to amuse myself with a response in the future.
What are you going to do, kushibo, sick your cat on me? Get a Korean mob friend of yours to break my fingers? If they do, I’ll just start typing using my teeth and they can make a movie about me and I’ll make million dollars and…and..and..oh, never mind.
I don’t believe there is a “conspiracy” against me, and if there is, I’m honored people would feel so strongly about my writing to do such a thing.
I guess what I’m saying is (with in reason) I’m going to write the way I feel like writing here. I try — try — to be more serious, more a-b-c but sometimes, that’s not how the mood strikes me. I understand and appreciate that some of the criticisms written here are perfectly legitimate, the customer is always right, yadda, yadda yadda. But a lot of what is being written here about my writing is pure bullshit. And on more than one occasion outsiders who have linked to something I’ve written here have told me flat out that this blog’s comment section has a special dynamic all its own. “Good luck with all that,” I believe was the exact quote.
When I was about 13 years old, I got a kitten (one of a litter from my aunt’s cat). I called him Hannibal after a dead one-eyed general.
Two weeks later, he was crushed by a car. It made me very sad.
The.
End.
Hannibal had only one eye?
More dreck, hackneyed slogans and name-dropping. How is that quirky?
I’ll take a different tack, and go back to Shelton’s original post. If you’re concerned that the hip crowd are elbowing in on Korean food—but the only thing they’re going for is bulgogi—then when you’re back stateside and within earshot of such types, you can smugly rattle off all the foods you’ve come to know and love while in Korea, out-hipping those who only know “Korean BBQ.” If being hip is having esoteric knowledge on a handful of trendy subjects, then you’d have way more esoteric knowledge on this particular subject (Korean cuisine) than New York’s black-clad, health-conscious crowd. There, you can sleep easy now.
Andy,
I feel your pain. Very moving piece. And not one hyperlink.
Blatant plagiarism is good enough for the “Gray Lady”, Shelton, as we’ve seen many a time.
What does that tell you?
Maybe I’m old school, but from my perspective (as one who began formal study of Korean before the Seoul Olympics), “K-bloggers” like Shelton are “hallyu hipsters”.
Iceberg, I see things this way — Robert writes about any[-] and everything, Andy concentrates on politics and Bum’s the quirky hypertexter with a bit of linking to other websites now and then.
Andy’s parable about the kitten is clearly political: one kitten (a ‘new cat’ - clever play on the ‘hipster’ idea, Andy) with one eye (a singular vision, and since it’s a kitten, the vision is to the future), named
HanaraHannibal (a dead military figure). That Andy is always sneaking a message in.Mr. Bum, move to L.A. or NYC. The slightness of your posts, the name dropping, the faggy gossip style, all make you well-qualified to write for E! channel, or at least some shopping mall circular. Seriously, you obviously pattern your style after the tabloids, why not go all the way and write for them? I could start a collection for your air fare
hee hee hee. sheesh.
Yeah. He lost the use of one eye to infection while crossing through swampland in northern Italy.
Shelton,
Thanks for providing links to Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson, Lindsay Lohan (a crossed-out link?!?!), and Wilmer Valderrama. How did you know that I’m not ‘hip’ enough to know who they are? How did you know that I’m stupid to know how to do a search for them?
A special thanks for providng 4 (four!)links to that guy from that movie from the 80’s.
An extra special thanks for the link that answers the question, “What the heck is the Peach State?”
Oh, and a super-duper extra special thanks for nothing.
It’s like this, Buttfondler—the Marmot has created a pleasant space for Korea-centric news and talk, sort of like a kitchen or lounge room. The problem is not that you write, but that you write turds.
Turds do not belong in the kitchen. Do you know where they belong?
Sure, Marmot has every right to let you “do your thing” in his space, but it just seems so out of character that he lets you.
Why would what has always seemed to be a thoughtful, intelligent commentator allow writing as embarrassingly awful, as repellant as yours, onto his site?
God, maybe it’s worse than blackmail.
The worst thing is.. is that he has his own place for his self indulgent drivel. So why does he have to come and post here?
Astonishingly, Bum views negative criticism as being off-base, when the obvious fact is that it forms the majority of comments expressed here – indeed, it always has.
In Bum’s warped view, people who express a dislike for his bilge water simply misunderstand the wonderful qualities of what he writes. These people have developed their own opinion, yet somehow they are wrong; they are not ‘kind’ and so they view his work negatively in knee-jerk fashion. Those who wish him well – and make no mistake, this group is much, much smaller – those people are thoughtful and insightful, and their encouragement is all he seems to hear.
And, lest we forget, Bum will remind any and all that Robert lets him continue here. Therefore, so Bum thinks, there must be something about his writing that Robert believes will entertain the ‘Marmot’s Hole’ reader. That, however, is simply the crutch of a writer who does not listen to his audience. He should consider that the flames may be of greater interest than the post.
Bum also tells us how capable he is of writing in a different style. He writes,
If I were writing news for a newspaper or a magazine, I’d write all serious and shit. I’ve done that for years and years and don’t have a problem with it. But, then, usually someone is paying me money to write that way, so I don’t a problem with being less creative and less quirky in such situations.
How about the situation where readers appear to want that style of writing? Does that have no meaning at all? Criticisms here are leveled at Bum because he fails to adjust to readers’ expectations, no matter what he may believe. Yes, some have also expressed the idea that he is perhaps too inexperienced about life in South Korea to write about it to this audience; Bum could simply have viewed that as a challenge, rather than an insult, and shown them that he knew something after all.
But instead, we get
‘I understand and appreciate that some of the criticisms written here are perfectly legitimate, the customer is always right, yadda, yadda yadda. But a lot of what is being written here about my writing is pure bullshit.
From the above, it’s easy to see how he does not change to meet the tastes of readers here, and we already know that readers have little stomach for what he dishes up. If others like him on other blogs, then he ought to write to those people there. Expect more criticism from readers here, Bum, because many think that what you write here is crap. And, in that opinion they are not wrong, no matter what you may think.
Because no one reads him there (and I think he has more than one blog at that).
In fact, it is guaranteed that any one Bumgarner post at “The Marmot’s Hole” will generate more comments than a whole month worth of Bumgarner’s own blog posts (on his sites) together.
Get a Korean mob friend of yours to break my fingers?
Fair warning, Sheton: yes, I have decided to do this. I have hired the biggest, meanest Kyongsang mo-fos this side of Han. One is posted at the entrance of Watts on Tap and the other in front of Nori. I told them to be on the look out for someone who looks like Steve Zahn.
Be a sport and get over there quickly; they’re itching to go home and after a while, all White people start to look alike to them.
You can avoid all this, however, if you give me whatever it is you have on The Marmot, including the negatives.
Nobody called me on my last comment above, so I just wanted to point out that I was kidding.
It was Shelton who brought up such a threat, and I just went with it for a gag, but actual threats against people in the blogosphere are no laughing matter. I’ve been there, and it’s no fun at all. The truth is, if I saw Shelton there, I wouldn’t sucker-punch him; I’d give him a hearty handshake (and maybe inflict a paper cut on his left index finger so he can’t type “Korea,” “New York Times,” or “Korean wave.”
If you’d like to learn more about the brave people who stood up for free speech, visit your local library.