Easier said than done. While in Korea, I invited non-English speaking Korean acquaintances to share meals and go on outings. My first invitation was usually accepted, but no friendship ever evolved. On the other hand, English-speaking Koreans would either make the first invitation or reciprocate. I am the same person with the same personality and interests regardless of what language I speak, yet I had little success cultivating social relationships in the Korean language. Based on my experience and the experience of other expats, I would say that Chinese and Japanese are more willing to befriend foreigners using their native language than Koreans are.

The problem is circular, and monolingual expats and English-loving Koreans enable each other.

I do agree that Westerners arrive in Japan with positive impressions of the country. As I said before, most Westerners in Japan and China chose those countries in part because of a positive interest in the language and culture. The same cannot be said for Western expats in Korea. I lived in Korea for almost a decade, developing a deep appreciation for the country, the people, and the language, but what brought me to Korea was merely a job offer and a desire to live in a foreign country, not any specific interest in Korea itself.

1. If I can get my business into the multiple six-figures, I’ll move to Tokyo. It’s probably the coolest city on earth but you need CASH (not credit cards, BTW) to experience it properly. I was reminded of this last week after a two-year absence. There are simply way more cool bars, restaurants, bands, festivals, etc. over there. Japanese microbrew is far, far superior to the swill you can find near Kangnam Station. When the Japanese do something, they do it right, not half-assed like here.

2. There is plenty of expat moaning going on at sites like Japan Today. There may be a higher percentage of foreigners who are unreserved Japanophiles, but there are plenty (like me) who can see the bad and the good.

3. The detachment of the Japanese can get annoying pretty quickly. I’ve found it easier to do business in Korea since I can read the counterparties’ faces.

4. Japan has way too much concrete, even on the sides of mountains, for chrissakes. And they have the counterproductive sunshine law which forces everyone to live in a cramped environment. Korea, for all its ugly communist-style apartment blocks, still uses vertical space much more wisely than Japan does.

5. As I mentioned before (and others above), Japanese landlords discriminate big-time against foreigners. This is a fairly big issue for the middling expat not on the uber-package for the big MNC.

6. When it comes to nationalism, foreign relations and such, the Japanese simply come across as adults and the Koreans as children. Japanese media shows stupid-Korean tricks all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if TV Asahi showed Koreans shouting “Daehanminguk” during the Ghanian national anthem.

Lankov: “But the Russians in China come there to stay, they always learn language,and they are more accepted. If they do not like China, they just move out. Not many jobs where one would bitch ablut China but still stays because money is soooo good. I also have a feeling (sorry for generalization) that Chinese: a) more ready to accept a “big nose”; b) less despiceful towards Russians who are often seen in Korea as people from yet another poor nation.”

As a former expat in Korea and China, I’d agree. Salaries in China are much lower, and most of the foreigners there, regardless of nationality, want to be there. Moreover, the PRC has encourage foreign students to come to Beijing; some of these students stay on, just as many foreign students remain in English-speaking countries. Fluent in Chinese, these foreign residents are able to integrate into Chinese society and coming from poor countries, they do not look down on China.

China, a country which celebrates its ethnic and lingustic diversity, is more tolerant of foreigners than homogenenous Korea. This includes foreigners speaking the local language and dating locals. In Korea, the dating game heavily favors Western men, but in China, the playing field is much more leveled. Chinese parents are more willing to accept their child dating or marrying a foreigner. Chinese men don’t seem to “cockblock” like Korean men.

In China, I actually had Chinese acquaintances who were willing to socialize with me in the Chinese language. In Korea, all of the Koreans who befriended me or invited me out socially were looking for “English friends.” A Zimbabwean national who earned a PhD at SNU told me that his fellow African nationals, all of whom were graduate students fluent in Korean, had an easier time making Korean friends if they spoke English.

Unlike the Chinese, who are sincerely interested in learning more about other countries and cultures through friendships, Koreans pretty much think the only good foreigner is an English-speaking one, and a group of students told me so.

Me: As a college student, I lived in an international dorm and had friends from Taiwan, Korea, Japan, Germany, Pakistan, Ethiopia, Lebanon, and so many other countries.

Students: Wow, that’s great!

Me: I wish more foreigners from Africa, Latin America, and other non-Western countries would come to Korea.

Students: (looking puzzled) Why?

Me: So you could make friends with people from around the world.

Students: But teacher, we want only English-speaking foreigners to come to Korea.

I have never lived in Japan, but my perceptions of the country as a visitor and through conversations with former Japan expats in Korea, it seems that Japan is like China in terms expat integration. The Japanese expect foreigners to learn the language and customs, and foreigners, in turn, meet that expectation. I think this is a BIG difference and explains why foreigners in Japan aren’t so negative.

@ Jing and iheartblueballs: I thought iheart’s retort was clever. June actually has a point that Japan, with its higher salaries and standard of living, can be choosier, but it’s unfair to tar all foreign nationals in Korea with the same brush. Iheart hit the nail on the head again with the driver/car analogy. However, I have to disagree with this: The expats in Korea are not causing the inherent problems. They’re reacting to them”. I don’t think expats are blameless. There are some foreigners in Korea who don’t belong overseas, and that opinion is shared by other former Japan expats in Korea. Like you said, it isn’t the car, it’s the driver, and the driver in your analogy could be Korean or foreign.

Mantaray: “Korea, and especially Seoul, is much more in your face and demands and begs you to love it. Japan offers a more laid back, not trying to prove anything to anyone, ideal; in a word it is more confident. This has much to do with history and how Korea has had to escape from the shadow of its neighbors and, I think, is why it is always trying to prove itself in anything and everything on the international stage”

Well said, Mantaray. It seems that expats with experience in more than one Asian country have more profound insights into differences.

Thorin said “Yeah but Renault Samsungs have Nissan (aka Lexus) powertrains.”

Lexus = Toyota, innit?

That said, some of us here are just as critical, if not moreso, of our home countries as we are of Korea, and while we occasionally have praise for aspects of life in Korea, we maybe come off as the Angry Expat Commentariat because it’s just more satisfying to vent once in a while. I’m not referring to anyone in particular except me.

Highting!

Of course there are some loser expats in Korea, just as there are in Japan, and China, and every other country on earth. The expats in Korea are not causing the inherent problems. They’re reacting to them.