By SHELTON BUMGARNER
Marmot’s Hole Guest Blogger
I peeped down into the depths of the stairway. “That’s one dead bar,” I thought. “I think.”*
Rubbish was piled on the steps and the door was closed. I’m speaking, of course, of Mary Jane’s, an otherwise seemingly innocuous bar in Hongdae that became the center of the “EnglishSpectrum” scandal that happened some time ago. The scandal was actually a lot of bad things happening at the same time. The gist of it is this — a small group of expat men were not respecting Korean women. They did it in a conspicuous manner online and all hell broke loose.
Many moons after the scandal broke, I finally managed to go to the bar. It was still open then. I mentioned something about the scandal and the (female) bartender freaked out — “I hate you!” she cried in a only half-joking tone of voice. The bar seemed pretty innocent. Apparently any alledged wickedness that happened, happened in backrooms and such.
I first became aware that something was amiss during the first EnglishSpectrum scandal when a perfectly delightful young Korean girl on the subway looked and me and said in a hushed tone, “You’re an English teacher, right?”
She mentioned something about “unqualified English teachers” and stuff happening online. I got the full details later when I randomly went to Uijeongbu Bukbu. I was walking around the city, when I ran into a fellow expat on a street corner. We ended up hanging out for the rest of the day and he told me all the bad crap that had happened. Weird stuff happening in backrooms at Mary Jane’s, horrible emails and videos bouncing around the Internet. A cold chill ran down my spine as he gave me the details. About this time, my Korean girlfriend of the time all but broke up with me because of pressure she was feeling from her family about dating a oegugin. We later patched things up, but it really spooked me.
So now it appears that we may be heading into Son of EnglishSpectrumgate. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I am well aware that I am a guest in this nation and that I should respect my hosts, their culture and their women. The idea that a bunch of dumb asses would give all expat men a bad name through such rude, caddish behavior AGAIN makes my blood boil. As I keep saying, the EnglishSpectrum forum guys are totally missing the point with all their talk about how they can get all Charlie Sheen with Korean women. It seems as though the human mind is hardwired to find foreigners attractive — be they oegugins in Korea or French dudes in Boston.
With all that in mind, I got the most interesting comment over at Migukin recently. I was delighted with it for several reasons. It was in response to what I felt was a relatively innocent post about my Korean celebrity crush of the moment. The more I read over my original post and this comment, the more I’m starting to worry I’ve been in Korea too long. The comment is perfectly legitimate, in contrast to most Migukin comments. It’s intelligent, well thought out and makes a credible point. And yet, I can’t help but feel like someone’s a little too eager to read something anti-Earth Mother in the text on the back of their morning cereal box before they go to their morning Gnostic prayer vigil.
Getting very tired of the essentialization of women…”While in general I find the average Korean woman significantly better looking than the women back home”…there are millions of women here, and millions of women “back home”…and why can you only talk about women in a completely objectified, sexualized manner? What I find the least palatable about life in Korea is the embarassing way in which so many foreign men behave. You couldn’t put sexist comments in print at home without a backlash…why do you think you can get away with it here? Ever read the English teacher cartoon “Charisma Man”? Too many hetero men are falling into being caricatures of their own selves. Shape up, guys. Enjoy beauty, enjoy love, enjoy sex…but let people/women be real, and stop dichotomizing, idealizing and objectifying entire groups of women.
It makes me a bit sheepish to think that someone would think I would write about women in a “completely objectified, sexualized manner.” What’s wrong, as a man, with comparing the women here with those back home? I was just commenting on how amazingly beautiful I find many Korean women. And if we do away with the “essentialization of women,” (not to mention creative, [often lovelorn] guys “dichotomizing, idealizing and objectifying entire groups of women”) then pretty much 90 percent of all male generated music ever written would have to be eliminated. I mean, what is the Beatles’ song “Something,” about, if not the “essentialization of women?”
Regardless, I didn’t mean any harm by the Migukin post. Some of it just came from feeling a little melancholy and being struck by the beauty that is Jeon Ji Hyun. I guess anytime you write about not only race but women, someone, somewhere is going to get pissed. And you can lose a bit of perspective on such matters if you stay in Korea long enough, I suppose.
But back to the issue at hand.
To date, I have had three Korean girlfriends. I’ve learned a lot about Korean culture through them and believe myself to be a much better expat because of the life I shared with them. While there are some obvious cultural differences when dating Korean as opposed to a Western woman — there is the whole issue of Confucianism to deal with, of course — generally I find that “peoples is peoples” and “womens is womens.” Although my time in Korea has taught me that there are very few “universals” in this world, when it comes to dating, one can’t help but admit that the ideas of “love,” “respect” and “companionship” are, indeed, enjoyed and appreciated everywhere mankind resides.
Author’s Note: I’m back, bitches.
Author’s Note: Me-long
* If the bar isn’t dead — I’m sorry for the confusion. It just sure did seem that way.
37 Comments
Author’s Note: I’m back, bitches.
Author’s Note: Me-long
Outside of this comment I’m going to ignore Shelton’s attempt to once again draw the focus of his post to himself. Others may join me if you wish.
It’s a well-written post, and I hope if commenters have criticism of its content, it’s made in a thoughtful and constructive manner.
Dude open your eyes.
It’s all nip tuck.
what’s the point?
_Three_ Korean girlfriends??
I am with Robert. This post is Sheltons best yet.
I thought it was kinda interesting and I’m glad he shared his perspective here. Makes for good philosophical debate. As to his “universals” idea perhaps that’s something I think everyone is somewhat cynical about but comes to realize eventually. Might be said that those universals of “love,” “respect” and “companionship” are overwhelmingly camouflaged or falsely represented as such. Yet anywhere in the world, the true appearance of those qualities can be appreciated by those with the fortune to witness it.
English Spectrum Gate: Some Korean women and foreign men were having fun together and that caused some Korean men to become jealous.
A truthful summary of what actually happened.
English Spectrum Gate: Some expat guys posting about how to take advantage of relatively clueless Korean girls. The Korean men didn’t get jealous so much as get perturbed that someone else was doing a better job of taking advantage of girls than they were.
The shite at English spectrum was waiting to hit the fan. That site was rife with men bragging about their conquests. Most of witch was probably in their head mind you. One guy was averaging 3-4 girls a week and somehow found the time to blog them all. Ridiculous.
Though there is a fine line I believe. Is the Marmot’s going the way of English Spectrum?
Why wouldn’t a Korean man read this post and freakout that the likes of Bumgarner could actually have 3 girlfriends in the time he hs spent in the country? What was your exact intention by leaving a tally of your conquests? Have you been a super polite and respectful guest by not feasting on the smorgasboard considering “It seems as though the human mind is hardwired to find foreigners attractive(tripe in itself btw)”? Was it that you’ve been surprisingly commited to your women by your own idea of weyguk standards… given the low tally? Or was it that you scored more here in 2 years than you did in your entire adult life back home?
“I’ve learned a lot about Korean culture through them and believe myself to be a much better expat because of the life I shared with them.”
Shelton, why did you need to be sleeping with Korean women to be a better expat? Or was that not your intention by tallying your conquests? Could a foreign girl be incapable of teaching you about and sharing Korean culture with you? If not, how many foreign girlfriends have you had in Korea?
So if you could please answer dogbert and judge judy and now myself by explaining the point of posting the number of Korean gfs you’ve had it would be muh appreciated.
I learned a lot about Korea by being with a White girl. But that’s just me. I’m guessing I might be the only one here who finds Caucasian women attractive.
Every flavor is bootylicious, Kush.
WTF is Ryan going on about? I didn’t read Mr. Bum’s latest epic. Damn, can I go home now Mr. Kim?
I’ve been here about two years.
I don’t think three girlfriends is a high number for that amount of time. Generally, most of my friends are women, but in a good way. (Goodway meaning they’re not “conquests.” I did not have totalling my “conquests” in my mind when I mentioned the exact number. Just thought it gave a bit more context to the piece.
But I guess it will be all down hill from here re: comments.
For the record:
Still not beating my wife (I don’t have one)
Haven’t “plied” anyone with booze lately
You know, the funny thing is, I now find white women exotic.
You know, the funny thing is, I now find white women exotic.
That’s probably because most of the white women you see in Seoul nowadays are Slavic.
Nadoo, Robert, nadoo.
Kushibo:
“I learned a lot about Korea by being with a White girl. But that’s just me. I’m guessing I might be the only one here who finds Caucasian women attractive.”
I highly doubt that. After being in Korea a while I find Caucasian women much more attractive than Korean women.
Once people start giving reason for their racial dating preferences it’ll be son of son of englishspectrum gate before we know it.
What is the point here?
“I am well aware that I am a guest in this nation and that I should respect my hosts, their culture and their women.”
Isn’t that disrespect of Korean women?
Kushibo,
Where were you during my long dry spell in Korea?
Where were you during my long dry spell in Korea?
Probably in a serially monogamous relationship.
Or Seoul.
i think the whole english-spectrum scandal was mostly BS. not only were a handful of koreans thinking too much about english teachers in korea, but more than a handful of english teachers were over-blowing the situation as well - mostly males who make a hadit of pursuing korean females…which is just about most of us. because of a few whankers, the entire country now knows what is going through our heads…and it was such a well kept secret before. it was the perfect crime. now…its an excuse for a blog entry…exactly like the one above. but…everyone line up and take another shot at beating a dead horse.
White guys in Korea with Korean girlfriends or wives kinda remind me of gay guys. Like how some gay guys are too unnecessarily flamboyant about it and love to flaunt their gayness. Likewise, with all these expat whiteys about their Korean girlfriends or wives. Mr Bumgartner is a prime specimen.
I simply disagree. The post was about a timely subject of general interest. I was not “flaunting” anything. Just making observations based on personal experience about a timely subject. That’s about 99 percent of what is found in the blogosphere these days.
“shibal_sheki
from United States Jun 3rd, 2006 at 3:50 am
White guys in Korea with Korean girlfriends or wives kinda remind me of gay guys. Like how some gay guys are too unnecessarily flamboyant about it and love to flaunt their gayness. Likewise, with all these expat whiteys about their Korean girlfriends or wives. Mr Bumgartner is a prime specimen.”
Racist little whiner, aren’t you.
For every White guy who might boast about his Korean girlfriend there are many more Korean women who also brag about having a White (or Black) boyfriend, husband, etc. People date who they want, and some will choose to boast about their partner regardless of race, so I suggest you learn to deal with it.
The White guys I know who are dating or married to Korean ladies have never been ‘flamboyant’ about it, whether in public or in private. Not that it matters but obviously said White expat guys ain’t gay, genius. May I suggest you try copulation therapy?
Oh, and Seki, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you date Black women, White Women, Yellow Women or Fuschia-pink Women (or guys, for that matter) so please drop the racist remarks, ok?
mostly males who make a hadit of pursuing korean females
Hadit? Is that a typo or some new kind of slang that all the kids are saying?
As in, “Oh, yeah, that chick and me, we had it.”
No, that’s almost surely a typographical error. Most probably, he meant ‘hadith’: traditions based on the words or actions of the prophet Muhammed. I’ll admit that the connection is unclear, but males do seem to make a tradition out of pursuing females.
Good post by Shelton.
I agree that reporting 3 girlfriends in two years is not “boasting” at all, by contemporary standards, it’s a medium-low count for a normal K-expat male in his 20’s. And he never said that he had sex with any of them — that is not at all a neccesary component of girlfriend-status — and so there is no question of “conquests”. When i was dating Korean girls Back In The Day, i sometimes had ‘girlfriends’ for months without ever having sex; Korea can be like that, even if your home-nation no longer is.
Therefore “boasting of conquests” was entirely absent in Shelton’s story, only made up in the fevered minds of the anti-Shelton posters…
And i have certainly known a fair number of “white guys” here not attracted to Korean ladies, whether due to looks or to the myriad culture / personality issues. So, to each his own, and no man needs to put another down over what turns him on…
Well this one is certainly chock full of nuts! A nice posting by Shelton I must say. I agree with the notion that most of the boasting on the spectrum is fiction. I agree that pound for pound the ladies in the land of the morning calm are more attractive then women in North America. Whoever calls our man Shelton a raciest is disingenuous. I would like to hear more details on the cultural cross pollination. What exactly did he learn from the fairer sex that he would not have learned from a male chingu? I am not picking the fly shit from the pepper here, I like the posting. Now all you liberals out there throwing rocks, step back. Nothing in his post is justifiable grist for your self-hating mills.
It seems like the pack is out to get Shelton again, reading more into his post than necessary, scraping the bottom of the barrel to make him out to be the bad guy.
Oh well. Guess there’s nothing else to do on a Friday night for some folks
I’m fairly certain, as is anyone else who doesn’t have a vested interest, that Shelton merely referred to the number of girlfriends he’s had in Korea as a point of him having more intimate exposure to Korean culture than what you get from having an acquaintance or a friend.
This nitpicking at words to find fault in Sheltons post is ridiculous. In my opinion, Shelton has improved his writing a lot. This post was timely and relevant.
Well said. Remember that taking advantage of [insert any social group, from horny teenagers to credulous ajummas] is a national sport here.
Figures…
Drink more, it’ll help your “writing”. After all, if it worked for Hemingway…
I must agree: this post is pretty decent. Good job Shelton.
any adult who has consensual sex with another adult can hardly be termed, “clueless”. other than that, i think that korean men’s perception of foreigners as competition has seriously improved korean women’s lot in life.
As long as they are worried that their women might leave them for a foreigner they might actually spend more time with them and less time in YooHooChuJoms, Business clubs, Sports massages, Gayobangs, Love Motels, Dabangs, etc… (sorry my romanization is very poor and my hangul keyboard is at home)