Comments on: The cultural dilemma of chivalry

By: Robert

Robert — Mon, 29 May 2006 01:23:04 +0000

The buddhist in me says, if you still don’t know if you did the right thing, then you didn’t. You know, like that old koan about the two monks, a maiden, and how she crossed the muddy road. One monk carried her and put her down, leaving her on the sidewalk. The other monk carried her all day in his mind.

Well put. Thanks.

By: parang

parang — Mon, 29 May 2006 01:21:10 +0000

The Southerner in me says, that you should always be a gentleman and yield your seat. Period. If they accept it, fine, if they don’t, then you move on to another part of the carriage. Locals will note your manners and hers.

The buddhist in me says, if you still don’t know if you did the right thing, then you didn’t. You know, like that old koan about the two monks, a maiden, and how she crossed the muddy road. One monk carried her and put her down, leaving her on the sidewalk. The other monk carried her all day in his mind.

By: MrChips

MrChips — Mon, 22 May 2006 07:17:29 +0000

Or, you could just pretend to get up. u know, readjust your seating, put your things together, straighten up, and then…uh uh uh. ahhh and just when she thinks she’s got a seat you just stay put. not that I would ever do that of course

By: Robert

Robert — Mon, 22 May 2006 02:06:43 +0000

Who knows? She might thank you for remembering your bloodlines, and what they have accomplished.

Well, you know, there’s nothing like a little 동포애…

By: jyce

jyce — Mon, 22 May 2006 01:55:52 +0000

Who knows? She might thank you for remembering your bloodlines, and what they have accomplished.

By: gordsellar

gordsellar — Sun, 21 May 2006 19:12:05 +0000

The long and the short of it is that it doesn’t matter what you choose to do, really, in the big picture. But I happen to think that you should offer the seat if you want to — by asking her if she’d like to sit. If she seems like she’d appreciate it, give it up. If she seems annoyed, then fine, you have the MP3 player, right?

I tend to find foreigners ’round here tend to view such acts as a break from the somewhat less, um, considerate handling they get from others. (ie. doors slamming in their faces, people butting into line, etc.) If someone can’t accept a small generosity because she wants to read sexism into it, she’s set up to enjoy life a lot less. Enjoyment of life is a little less as well when one worries whether one will be seen as sexist in considering such an act, so, I guess I’d say it’s better to risk her annoyance than to stare out the window and feel, well, icky about it.

By: Sonagi

Sonagi — Fri, 19 May 2006 19:10:54 +0000

I am from nice midwestern stock, too, and no man has ever offered his seat to me on public transport, nor would I expect him to. I have had men open doors for me, and I have opened doors for men. I don’t believe in chivalry, but I do believe in common courtesy.

By: gbnhj

gbnhj — Fri, 19 May 2006 10:42:46 +0000

Bus commutes are a crowded affair, and the etiquette here doesn’t demand for you to give up the seat. Really, she ought to learn how to deal with the situation, because it’s going to happen to her all the time, and not because anyone’s got a ‘thing’ about the Westerner.

By: Wedge

Wedge — Fri, 19 May 2006 09:53:02 +0000

Marmot: At least you didn’t molest her.

The acknowledgement of other foreigners: I usually say hey in my neighborhood. Only the Krauts give me a stare like I’m nuts or something.

Brendon: I have noticed a lot of improvement in 13 years in door holding and the acknowledgement of such (rather than just letting you hold it). Sit down for this: I even had an elevator held for me today. I swear!

By: michael

michael — Fri, 19 May 2006 09:11:42 +0000

You’re a complicated man, Mr. Marmot

I’ve almost given up on holding doors for women in Korea, for reasons Mr. Carr has already enumerated. On buses though, I always give up the seat for women, so there