In a column to the Seattle Post Inquirer, Our Man in Seoul pitches the Korea-U.S. alliance and the FTA currently under negotiation:
More than 50 years ago, the United States and Korea forged an alliance in the heat of the Korean War. Since then, our relationship has not only become one of the most
irrelevanteffective defense alliances around the world, it hasdeterioratedflourished into amutual pain in the assbroader, dynamic partnership.
Where once the sole concern of our alliance was the threat posed by North Korea, the United States and the Republic of Korea are now working together to address regional and global concernsbecause we can no longer agree about North Korea… or China. Today, 3,000 Korean soldierssit in their fortress in Arbilstand with us in Iraq, doing their part tobribe Washington into not bombing North Koreabring peace and stability to this critical region; only the United Kingdom has sent more troops to Iraq. And in acts of generosity befittinga Third World nationits status as a leading democracy and the world’s 11th-largest economy, Korea has contributedalmost zilchmillions of dollars in aid money to alleviate suffering around the world—including $40 million to aid the victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Just as cooperation at the official level is flourishing, regular Americans and Koreans are getting to know andopenly despiselike one another better all the time. There are close to 2 million Koreans who call the United States home, and Koreans arefleeing the Special Law on Prostitutiontraveling to our country in record numbersto peddle their asses in massage parlors. Our embassy processed more than 400,000prostitutionvisitor visas last year. For our part, nearly 100,000 Americans live andloaf, carouse, womanize, forge degrees, run drugs, etc.work in Korea, and thousands more come asillegal English teacherstourists. Two-way exchanges between us are such that today, it may be as easy to savor kimchi and soju in Seattle as it is to grab a burger and beer in Seoul.
With a bilateral relationship that ismore obsoletericher and more important than ever, the time is ripe to take the U.S.-Korea partnership to the next level bybringing 8th Army homeunleashing the potential of our trade relationship. The proposed KORUS FTA—or Korea-U.S. Free Trade Agreement—would do just that.
Read the rest on your own.
30 Comments
Actually, it’s much more difficult to savor kimchi and soju in Seattle than it is to grab a burger and beer in Seoul. For the first part, the verb ’savor’ sort of implies that one has to first like kimchi and soju in order to accomplish such a thing. Although I enjoy a good bit of the kimchi from time to time (it helps stave off the bird flu, and maybe even erectile disfunction), I just could never get into the idea of drinking soju.
Then, of course, there’s not really anything the kimchi and soju crowd has that’s comparable to, say, McDonalds and Buttwiper (err… Budweiser). Heck, make that Lotteria and Cass, even. To find either in Seattle, it generally involves going down to one of the handful of Korean restaurants scattered around the city.
I would think that a more appropriate analogy would be to replace ‘beer and hamburger’ with ‘a decent martini and good cheese’. Of course, such an analogy would probably land him in trouble with the good ol’ boy set back home for sounding ‘too French’ or some such nonsense.
that’s great satire, robert. sums it all up.
and your commentary on the situation in pyoungtaek was spot on, as well.
Speaking of burgers and beer, Vershbow should do something to get McDonald’s to serve beer like they do in Germany.
Hilarious commentary, Robert.
Yeah, good interpolations there Mr. Marmot. Funny thing about the protestors who say an FTA with the U.S. will turn it into an “American colony”–Korea is the most Americanized Asian country already….
It always baffles me that Koreans never seem to grasp the fact that they are, in most respects, the least Asian and most Americanized country in Asia (with the possible exception of the Phillipines).
True, there’s also the Phillipines….
Does anyone have a workable definition of what it means for a country to be “Americanized”?
“Does anyone have a workable definition of what it means for a country to be “Americanized”?”
Americanization (or, chiefly British spelling, Americanisation) is the term used for the influence the United States of America has on the culture of other countries, substituting their culture with American culture. e.g., South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Phillipines, and China. When encountered unwillingly or perforce, it has a negative connotation until we provide ‘most favored trading nation status’, ‘welfare money/food drops’; when sought voluntarily, or with just slight arm-twisting it has a positive connotation.
Americanization can also refer to the process of immigrants to the United States becoming assimilated into American society, err, forming their own communities in California, Illinois, New York, Texas, and in Massachusetts called Korea Town/Little Korea/Little Seoul. This process often involves learning American English, err more Konglish and adjusting to American culture, customs, and dress, becoming grossly overweight, indulging in illegal drug usage (however, now Mexico has jumped into the ring by legalizing all forms of drugs in small quantities for personal use), and eating McDonald’s, KFC, or Papa John’s Pizza 5.2 times per week, and must include pulling for South Korea in the World Cup.
Uh, no Remort. The U.S. has not substituted its culture for ones in the countries you mentioned, those countries have taken on some aspects of America’s economy and, except for China, its political system, albeit mixed with European parliamentarian elements. Americanization in Korea means almost literally an embrace of the U.S. following liberation in 1945 and the end of the Korean War. It’s a more overt repsonse to the U.S. than in other nations, and more complicated, because there is an element of shame in its dependency that leads a lot of Koreans to deny the dependency exists and yell anti-American slogans louder than they do in Baghdad.
As for American cultural influences, it’s a bit more complex than you have it. Here’s a good essay on the subject:
http://chronicle.com/free/v48/i31/31b00701.htm
Nice treatment, Marmot. Reminds me of Mr Subliminal, a Kevin Neilen character on early 1990s Satty Nite Live.
How about a country, other than America, that has abandon their indigenous culture and values for the pursuit of making money, while consuming anything and everything in massive quantities. Considering such, China is very much “Americanized” and is becoming the New-improved America ™.
“the pursuit of making money, while consuming anything and everything in massive quantities.”
The pursuit of money is an American phenomenon? And the consumption of anything in massive quantities? Sounds like many who just happen to get rich fast, such as some who win the lottery and go bananas of a spending spree. None of these are particularly American.
More like human nature.
Great, Robert!
[quote]More like human nature.[/quote]
Oh sure, blame God.
Oh sure, blame God.
(Second time is a charm?)
i can see you’re becoming yet another scumbag expat. why not get the f**k out of korea if you’re so displeased?
and let’s not forget the korean soldier in iraq is doing a lot more than your papmered ass sitting pretty in seoul (can you counter that?). why not put your money where your mouth is and get a ticket for baghdad?
you’re just another shit talking expat, why don’t you get the fu8k out of korea?
ps you could make a section here called ‘korean sex’, then you’d be just like gerry and shakee.
Somebody needs a hug.
That’s actually a pretty sophisticated response by Nulji’s standards.
Funny satire, but it reinforces misconceptions held by Americans in Korea. I wish you gave equal time to other views.
These days, even a satire must be PC.
Pretty funny tag on that original Seattle P-I column:
> Alexander Vershbow, U.S. ambassador to the Republican of Korea,
Sloppy mistake or sacastic commentary…?
Oh, oh; somebody’s not taking his meds again.
Nulji—give me a break. I made fun of everybody in that post… scummy expats included.
i assume you used “Inquirer” instead of “Intelligencer” in keeping with your satire.
the numbnuts who wrote that P-I article should be tried for wishful thinking. it is nothing less than enquirer-esque verbage.
i can see you’re becoming yet another scumbag expat.
And I can see you’re becoming even funnier! Keep it up, dippy.
I think Nulji’s hilarious. For some reason, whenever I see his posts I’m reminded of that chicken hawk from Foghorn Leghorn.
i know exactly the bird you’re talking about…
Nulji never fails to disappoint. The quality of his craft remains consistent - same shit, different day. But there is one part that’s got me puzzled:
Nulji, do you generally support the military effort in Iraq? Or, do you merely support the troops - such as your own American countrymen - who are stationed there and must work in those challenging conditions?
America should trade Robert for that living canker sore nulji. It’d be a great trade.
What’s that supposed to mean?
2 Trackbacks
[...] If you don’t follow any other link in this post, follow this one to The Marmot’s laugh-out-loud fisking of U.S. Ambassador Alexander Vershow’s latest tract about the glory of the U.S.-Korea alliance. I’ve seen better in the Rodong Sinmun. Vershow, who is actually a very sensible man and as plain-spoken as diplomats come, must have suffered as he read it (which is to say nothing of the poor FSO who had to write it). I pity Vershbow as I would pity an official of Stalin’s propaganda department who might live for his few stolen daily moments reading the copy of “Doctor Zhivago” he kept hidden under a steamer trunk. [...]
[...] I grow weary of sounding the death knell of the U.S.-Korea alliance now that it’s just a question of being how fast and how ugly. If anyone is smart and honest enough to offer a cogent defense of it, it’s U.S. Ambassador Alexander Vershbow, who has made plenty of enemies in Korea by speaking his country’s views plainly. Now we know that the best justification he can offer is as light, flavorless, and indigestable as styrofoam, and just as easily broken into tiny little bits by gentle little ground-loving rodents. [...]