The Marmot’s Hole

And you thought forged certifications was just a stupid foreigner thing? Guess again.

Today’s tribute to the human spirit is dedicated to 64-year-old Mr. Hwang, who was busted recently for performing nose-jobs and face-lifts on about 70 Gangnam area women without a proper license.

His story (covered by just about everyone, including YTN, the Kookmin Ilbo, Dong-A Ilbo, Hanguk Ilbo and NoCut News), however, is almost too absurd to be believed.

After learning his trade as a medic in the ROK Army (discharged in ‘63) and two years working as an assistant in a plastic surgeon’s, the intrepid Mr. Hwang started performing illegal cosmetic surgeries in 1965.

Now, despite what some of you might think, the authorities in this law-abiding republic don’t take kindly to high school graduates going around cutting up people’s faces, and over the next 40 years, Mr. Hwang was busted on 10 separate occasions for performing medicine without the proper qualifications. On five occasions, he did prison terms ranging from six months to a year. But like you’d expect from a former medic in the ROKA, our hero was a man of determination and dedication to his art. And besides, the money was good.

After being released from the sin bin in March 2003, Hwang obtained from a Korean-American forged medical doctorates from famous medical schools in Korea and Great Britain. Now, what would you do, fresh out of jail and in possession of two forged medical degrees? Go to MONGOLIA, of course! Using his newly acquired documents, Hwang entered the National Medical University Of Mongolia in October, earning a real medical degree in an amazing four months. No doubt a tribute to his hard work and experience, but also helped in no small way by the US$5,000 he paid his professor.

Now, any student needs a part time job, even hardworking med students, I’d imagine. While in the Land of the Great Blue Sky, Hwang opened up his own plastic surgery clinic, performing operations on 300 of Genghis Khan’s children, including — get this — the Mongolian Minister of Health and one of his thesis evaluators.

Realizing, perhaps, that it would be tough making a living as a plastic surgeon in what we’ll kindly refer to as a “developing” nation full of super-fly women (including my wife, of course), Hwang returned to Korea and forged himself a rather nifty ID as a the head of a treatment center of a Seoul area hospital. Word got around Gangnam of his God-like skills, and operating out of the house of 75-year-old Ms. Lim (whom he had performed surgery on 25 years ago) as well as performing housecalls, the good doctor performed nose-jobs and face-lifts on 70 women, mostly middle-aged housewives.

Owing to his 40 years of experience, however, he got decent results, apparently, and was able to charge fees in excess of what a hospital would charge with few complaints. Police also discovered that among his clients were two or three popular female singers.

Well, having obviously achieved all he could in Korea, Hwang set his sites on an even bigger market — the U.S. of A. He obtained a forged U.S. medical license and medical degree from a U.S. medical school, and was set to depart for Los Angeles on March 1. But as was the case on several previous occasions, Johnny Law (or Cheol-su Law, be it as it may) would not accommodate, and he was arrested on Feb. 28 — one day before he was supposed to leave.

It should be pointed out, however, that some of his patients did suffer from nasty side-effects, such as scars or runny noses that wouldn’t stop. Doesn’t sound pleasant.

Oh, and lest we forget to give credit where credit is do, police also booked Ms. Lim for providing the doctor with an operating place and a 58-year-old pharmacist by the name of Mr. Kim for illegally providing him with medical supplies like anesthesia.

As of yet, there have been no reports of major Mongolian portal sites running cyber-signature campaigns calling for the expulsion of “low-quality Koreans.” No reports that I’ve read, anyway.