WARNING: Following may be offensive to some viewers. Parental discretion is advised.
Ran a quick Google search on “Mongolian Clusterfuck,” and here’s some of what I found. Courtesy UrbanDictionary.com:
Mongolian Clusterfuck
- A generally futile attempt to solve a problem by throwing more people at it rather than more expertise. Frequently applied to Microsoft’s programming techniques.
- An event that is spinning or has already spun out of control with disastrous results.
The Diamondbacks were winning; but then they put in Byung-Hyun Kim, and the game turned into a Mongolian Clusterfuck.
or:
The Vietnam War was a mongolian culsterfuck because the politicians screwed the soldiers.- A military tactic used by the Golden Horde (i.e. Genghis Khan and his descendants), in which an army invades an outnumbered force and overpowers them, but doesn’t kill many of them; instead, the conquerors rape and otherwise humiliate the conquered, then leave.
I can’t walk to school anymore without worrying about a bunch of punks giving me the ol’ Mongolian clusterfuck.
We also have:
- What happens when Democrats run the country.
- a big group of fucking
I spent the whole night just watching a real mongolian cluster fuck.
- This is of apparent military derivation, American usage: a situation that is so balled up it is beyond description.
The recruits were given the command “To the Rear, March.” Half of them kept going, a few went to the rear, and the rest just stood there.
Sticking with “Mongolian” over at UrbanDictionary.com, we have “Mongolian Mask,” which I would have initially thought referred to Buddhist “Tsam” mask dancing, but this is apparently not the case:
Mongolian Mask
- A heroic feat where a man stretches his scrotum across the breadth of a woman’s face.
She blew me in the bath, so my bag was very stretchy. I took the opportunity to lay her down and give her a Mongolian Mask.
Well, that was disconcerting, although not quite as disconcerting as “Mongolian Flush,” and nowhere near as disconcerting as “Mongolian Super-Buffet.” Good Lord, that’s some fucked up shit that’s clearly the product of some warped minds. My wife was absolutely horrorfied — what did the sons and daughters of Genghis Khan do to deserve this treatment?
Back to “Mongolian Clusterfuck,” we have an associated term, “Mongolian Hordes technique,” which is defined by Jargon.net as:
Mongolian Hordes technique /n./ [poss. from the Sixties counterculture expression `Mongolian clusterfuck' for a public orgy] Development by gang bang. Implies that large numbers of inexperienced programmers are being put on a job better performed by a few skilled ones. Also called `Chinese Army technique’; see also Brooks’s Law.
Users of the term “Mongolian Clusterfuck” have at least some good company, the phrase having been used by George Carlin.
Here’s some more usage of the term, apparently in its military sense:
– “Heard your boys tried to frag that jerk-off Lieut. How’d it go?”
– “A real Mongolian cluster-fuck. See, I laid down some mines on a trail in the border of our sector. Passed the word to Section Leader White, so he’d keep his bunch off it, and I made it obvious enough that the old hands ‘d spot it right off. Some Brazilian boot tracks on the path, a dropped pack of cigs, real obvious stuff that no pros would leave behind. Yunno, crap a ROT-Cee’d usually fall for.”
Well, I feel enlightened now.
5 Comments
Sigh….I love this blog, and it’s hard to say this given your obvious enthusiasm for all things Mongolian, and of course your lovely wife. AND…I am sure your post is ironic, but….
However, as to this sentence:
“My wife was absolutely horrified — what did the sons and daughters of Genghis Khan do to deserve this treatment?
Hmmmm…I think you must already know this.
The sons of Genghis Khan
- raped, and killed, and furthermore killed in excruciating torture so many hundreds of thousands of human beings in an historically shaky age, we just are not sure how many
- the horrible ’sword at the point of the throat’ tribute exacted from the conquered…
- the pyramid of heads outside of Baghdad
I’m sure your wife is a great person. My own distant ancestors (Vikings) raped and pillaged Europe. However……….c’mon Marmot !!
does your wife read your blog? if so, what is her opinion on this entry?
Zdunk — OK, yes, I understand what the Mongolians did to earn the reputation that they’ve been burdened with, but historically speaking, the Mongolians were no crueler than anyone else was at that time — see the Crusaders’ conquest of Jerusalem. Yes, they wasted cities, but European seige rules called for the same thing — you surrendered and lived, or resisted and died. Besides, it could be argued that wasting select Central Asian and Middle Eastern cities actually saved lives in the end, just as the A-bombs did at the end of WWII. Stop laughing, I’m serious here — the Mongolians razed cities not necessarily because they enjoyed that sort of thing, but because they wanted to send a message to other cities. Mongols wasted one city, and neighboring cities opened their gates, and in the end much unnecessary combat and slaughter was avoided. I should also point out that most of the historical documentation we have of the Mongols come from hostile Muslim, European and Chinese sources. And even the “positive” accounts were usually written by people that thought it would be a good idea to flatter their new Mongol rulers by making them out to be bigger bad-asses than they really were. Historically, the Mongolians reserved torture only for really special occasions (and for individuals that, according the ethics of the Middle Ages, probably “deserved” it) and the Mongol army was the most professional outfit of the Middle Ages — they did what they had to do and moved on. History has simply given them a bad rap, and it shows. How many positive representations of the Mongols have you seen on film? Outside of Mongolian cinema, my wife can’t think of any. As for me, I can only thing of one — the Russian movie “Close to Eden.” On the other hand, we have “The Shadow,” where we have the Mongolians trying to nuke 1930s New York, and Charlie’s Angels, where the Mongolians were not depicted in the most flattering light. The Koreans would never stand for their country taking that kind of crap, but the Mongols just have to sit their and take it. The Nazis get better screen treatment.
Mongolian — Yes, my wife reads my blog, and she was with me while I wrote this post. Like I posted, good nationalist that the wife is, she was horrified by some of the terms her ethnic group has been attached too.
Hmmm…to be honest, my impression from my readings of history were that they were considered much crueler by their contemporaries, and that their passion for rape was unmatched - they simply had to rape EVERY woman they came across (just another reason to laugh at the notion of Korean ‘pure bloodlines’)
Well Marmot me laddy, that was by far the funniest deviation off of a theme I’ve seen. Good work on what I can only assume is a Scrapple-style joke.
The funniness continues after the definitions when you (I think) try to be serious: “I should also point out that most of the historical documentation we have of the Mongols come from hostile Muslim, European and Chinese sources.”
Just out of curiosity, what positive spin can you put on raping and pillaging and mass slaughters that ended up destroying several ethnicities? What, did they hand out party hats while slaughtering villages? Did they tell the girl’s they raped they’d send smoke signals to them them in the morning? (ok, it’s an indian joke. Gimme some slack, willya?)
You say they get a bad rap, but then I don’t ever remember anyone saying “ah those mongolians. Couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag”. Hear that much? Me either.
But wait! You make an excellent point: “Mongols wasted one city, and neighboring cities opened their gates, and in the end much unnecessary combat and slaughter was avoided”
My god, they were a veritable bronze age YMCA! Those mensch*. I hear the Inquisitors helpfully let you confess to Jeebus before they burned you at the stake. There are bleeding heart liberal Mongol mass murders in every age, I guess.
But all joking aside, I don’t think you see “positive Mongol representations” nowadays for the same reasons you don’t see positive Kazakhstani role models: they’re one of the ancient people’s who have adjusted poorly to the modern age and sit a bit in the background of modern events. Since the only real significance they have to storymaking is the role they had as pretty neato warriors, that’s what they get when they’re represented at all.
The Nazis get better screen treatment because they were A) so recent it happened in living memory, and B) of all the evil people in history, the Nazis were the ones with a complete aesthetic to go along with their evildoing, and a funky wierd complementing internal history to go along with it. The Mongols had none of that (well, they might have had the funky wierd complementary internal history, but it wasn’t well recorded if there was one).
*- This is all just having giggles, you realize.
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