The Marmot’s Hole

I haven’t been posting much stuff from North Korea’s (unlinkable) official news agency lately, but my coworker here at Kwangju University passed this beauty on to me today, and I have to confess, it’s one to remember. Allow me to reprint it IN FULL - for your reading enjoyment.

Tremendous Damage Caused by U.S. Imperialists to S. Korea Estimated

Pyongyang, November 29 (KCNA) — The Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of the Fatherland and the National Reunification Institute made public a memorandum on November 28 after making a joint comprehensive survey of the human and material damage caused by the U.S. imperialists to the south Korean people since it occupied south Korea on September 8, 1945 and estimating its total amount. The memorandum said:

The U.S. imperialists killed in cold blood at least 2,240,000 civilians and patriots or 10 percent of the population of south Korea right after their occupation of south Korea (September 1945-May 1950) and during the Korean war of aggression (June 1950-July 1953). At least 83,000 innocent people were killed by the U.S. imperialists’ firing, violence, terrorism, robbery, rape, arson, deliberate traffic incident, spread of contagious diseases and spray of defoliant in the postwar period (August 1953-present).

According to compiled data, a total of over 2,323,000 people were killed and 6,520,000 wounded.

The amount of damage inflicted by the U.S. imperialists upon the south Korean people runs into astronomical figures. If the victims are considered to be still alive and the income to be earned by them during their lifetime plus its interest and the changed value of U.S. dollar, etc. are estimated by the calculation method according to the international usage, the amount of damage caused to the dead is estimated to be 9,343,020,050,000 U.S. dollars, the amount of damage to the wounded 13,105,728,120,000 U.S. dollars, bringing the total amount of human damage to 22,448,748,170,000 U.S. dollars.

If a total amount of damage including the confiscation of “enemy property,” the levy of taxes, extortion of grains is estimated at the present price, it amounts to 4,281,665,880,000 U.S. dollars.

A total amount of damage caused by destruction runs into 5,145,398,340,000 U.S. dollars when estimated at the present price, and the amount of damage resulting from “aid” totals 2,341,469,900,000 U.S. dollars and the amount of damage incurred by trade and the market opening totals 1,413,903,760,000 U.S. dollars.

If the amount of damage caused by the infiltration of U.S. monopoly capital plus its interest is estimated at the present price, it comes to 4,233,270,160,000 U.S. dollars.

This means, in the final analysis, the U.S. imperialists have inflicted upon south Korea material and economic losses worth 17,415,708,040,000 U.S. dollars through plunder, destruction, “aid,” trade and the market opening and the infiltration of capital since their occupation of south Korea.

Meanwhile, the loss south Korea has suffered due to the U.S. military bases totals 127,792,170,000 U.S. dollars and the loss incurred by its payment of the expenses for the upkeep of the U.S. troops in south Korea is estimated at 705,395,760,000 U.S. dollars.

South Korea’s loss caused by the forced purchase of war equipment totals 1,083,633,580,000 U.S. dollars when its interest and the changed value of a U.S. dollar are taken into account.

The U.S. imperialists have staged a total of 13,700 war exercises of various forms in south Korea, counting only those made public. The amount of damage caused by them is estimated to be 577,742,910,000 U.S. dollars.

If the amount of damage caused to the land, forests and rivers and streams by environmental pollution and destruction is estimated on the basis of the expenses for restoring them to their original state, it totals 780 billion U.S. dollars.

A total amount of military damage the U.S. imperialists have inflicted upon south Korea totals 3,274,564,420,000 U.S. dollars.

They have vandalized and looted at least 38,100 cultural treasures since their occupation of south Korea. They are valued at hundreds of billions of U.S. dollars.

They have smuggled drug worth 12 billion U.S. dollars into south Korea during their presence in south Korea, rendering the people mentally and physically deranged.

They have brutally violated many south Korean women and reduced them to sexual slaves, producing hundreds of thousands of foreigners’ whores and mixed-bloods.

[Marmot's Note: The Korean version is even better - it reads:

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Translation: Moreover, countless South Korean women were brutally violated and made into sexual playthings, and by making hundreds of thousands of "foreigners' princesses" (i.e. prostitutes frequented by the evil big nosers) and mixed-raced children, they [the Americans] have made impure the thousands-of-years-old blood lines of the [Korean] race and sullied the purity of the [Korean] race.

In case you were wondering as to the reason why the Norks kill mixed raced babies, this should clarify things.

End of note]

The sexual damage caused by the U.S. imperialist aggressor troops to south Korea amounts to more than a hundred billion U.S. dollars even when it is calculated according to the standard of compensation to be made for the sexual slavery for the Imperial Japanese Army.

The above-said estimates are based on a scientific review of various data quoted by statistical yearbooks officially released by the south Korean authorities, publications printed in south Korea and abroad, testimonies of individuals, information available from political, financial, academic, press and various other circles of south Korea and reports of the U.S., Japanese and other foreign media.

The damage was surveyed according to the international usage and in conformity with the specific conditions of south Korea.

The amount of damage was estimated according to the formula commonly used worldwide.

The total amount of human and material damage the U.S. imperialists have inflicted upon the south Korean people for nearly 60 years since their occupation of south Korea runs into 43,139,020,630,000 U.S. dollars.

The Korean version, as should be expected, is even more detailed (and derogatory). And for some reason, the English version left this out when it was dicussing drugs:

Through ideological and cultural invasion tools, including the American Cultural Centers, and the American military which occupies South Korea, the completely rotten “Yankee Culture” is sweeping across South Korea, and during the period of the occupation, 12 billion US dollars worth of drugs have entered the country, depraving the people and causing them to become mentally and physically ill and die. (translation by the Marmot)

Of course, you’ll read most of the same stuff on any university campus in South Korea, but the KCNA just does it with so much more style.

UPDATE: The incomparable Kevin of IA has a post on this particular KCNA piece, too - on few blogs will you read something like this:

Although I’m not one of the imperialist agressor troops, I will own up to my role in the sexual damage. In addition, I’d like to file my own claim against one decidedly chunky foreigners’ whore who did sexual damage to me willy a few years back by biting down as a gag reflex. I will estimate the damages at $492,000,000,000,000. Check or money order would be fine. Thanks.

Perhaps some of the lawyer-bloggers out there will lend him a hand?