The Marmot’s Hole

Joseph over at Infidelworld writes:

I was disgusted by the South Korean media’s pathetic cringing before the short, penile shadow of Kim Jong-il’s feigned missile launch during North Korea’s 55th Anniversary celebrations. Instead, Pyongyang reiterated its ludicrous right to defend itself with nukes.The whole issue is not even worth an advisory, which the Marmot opted for, and BigHo’s implied slap at the KH. This is not sufficient scorn for little dicks, who either love the Dear Leader for his nukes or fear him for his mercurial skill. Again, my faith in Strategic Forecasting is vindicated, because they refuse expressly to waste editorial space on Pyongyang. Of course, there’s not many anonymous government sources in Pyongyang dying to leak inside info, which is Stratfor’s lifeblood. As Korea bloggers we must expose the little dicks for the cocksuckers they are. My solution: I’m going to send regional leaders copies of Jack Nicolson’s entire DVD collection.

Well, Joseph, just for you, let me start the short arm inspections with the Dong-A Ilbo. Now, as you probably all know, no new missiles were displayed during yesterday’s grand fiesta in Pyongyang. In fact, it seems that there was very little in the way of military parades at all. Thousands of marching soldiers and military bands, but much to my disappointment, no Red Square-style “look how big our dicks are” processions - euphoniums (which are different from baritone horns, BTW) hardly qualify as mortal threats to regional security (although I’m sure the Hankyoreh would differ). How does the Dong-A respond? By running this piece (found at Yahoo! Korea), entitled “The North cancells massive military parade - a response to American gentle gestures?”, which quotes a South Korean government source as saying that by refusing to show off its new toys, North Korea was responding favorably to the gentler, kinder messages coming out of Washington. In the slightly different version of the story over at the Dong-A site, you have a Unification Ministry source saying that the North’s less-spectacular-than-anticipated parade is a sign that Pyongyang wants to keep the dialogue going. But now, you have American and Russian experts doubting the existence of the missiles, and the Marmot starts to get suspicious. Would the government leak false info to the Chosun Ilbo, and when the missiles don’t show, claim a victory for appeasement? Probably not, but I just thought I’d throw the idea out there.

Well, regardless, this is nothing to get worked up over. Even if the North had shown off its brand new long-range phallus, what difference would it have made? Putting a new target on display is hardly reason to bend over for Pyongyang. I mean, Jesus, even if those things (which may not exist) could hit the target at which they’re aimed (unlikely), what can the North do with those things without inviting their own destruction? Just another waste of (the South Korean taxpayers’) money, as far as I’m concerned.

BTW, for pics from yesterday’s celebrations in Pyongyang, check out the gallery from this CNN report.